I really need to gain some control if I’m going to get through this evening.
Chapter 13
Sebastian
I feel my control slipping.
Day by day, minute by minute, in her presence, and I’m ready to snap.
It doesn’t help the case that whenever I step closer to that line, Lily meets me halfway.
She doesn’t back down or retreat from my touch.
She leans into it, making that control slither even faster.
Not even two weeks in, and the thought of kissing her is slowly driving me insane.
How am I going to survive four more weeks without overstepping that line?
I think back to my best friend, her brother.
Would he be mad?
Would he kill me?
It’s not like I have a sister of my own to compare this situation to.
And it’s not like I want to just sleep with her.
Of course, I want to do that as well.
But it’s more than that.
I want these moments where we’re experiencing something new together. Her teasing of my stamina as we climb the stairs, or a mountain, whatever she wants to do.
The shared meals with Harriet and our comfortable morning routine. Our movie nights in front of the TV.
I want those moments elevated.
Holding her hand, kissing her senseless whenever I feel like it. Cuddle with her on the sofa whilst we watch one of her romantic comedies, or when we decide on a documentary—which is our common ground.
That’s what I want.
Would Luke approve of that?
I want to talk to him, but I’m freaking terrified of what it would mean for our friendship.
If it’s a hard no, our friendship would be tainted, possibly ruined. And I would be devastated.
He’s my best friend.
Therefore, I step back, creating more distance between us, even if it fucking crushes me when I catch the disappointment in Lily’s eyes.
She quickly recovers, giving me her brilliant smile, even though I get the feeling we’re both feeling the heaviness of our situation.
~
We decide to make burgers that combine all the nutrients I need, Lily tells me. She may be the passenger in this Bugatti, but whenever we’re in the kitchen, she’s in charge.
