BUT TOTALLY WORTH IT. I feel sorry for the hotel staff, having to clean up that room. They may as well just set it on fire.
From:Lucy Jacobs
To:Phoebe Henderson
Subject: Re: GOOD MORNING
You lucky bitch. How many of these things do you have left? You should just keep doing it until one of you dies, to be honest.
Oh and thank you for the birthday wishes! I’m very special and I hope your gift later reflects this.
From:Phoebe Henderson
To:Lucy Jacobs
Subject: Re: GOOD MORNING
My gift later? You asked for vouchers you maniac.
I have one request left and Oliver has two. We’re supposed to have them finished by Wednesday but I can’t see that happening unless neither of his involve my vagina. Or having to move. I’m too unfit for this shit.
From:Lucy Jacobs
To:Phoebe Henderson
Subject: Re: GOOD MORNING
You’d better be in reasonable shape for my gathering tonight, bitch. It’s bad enough that you and Hazel are both bringing your children to my dinner, I don’t want your internal injuries getting in the way of my fun. I shan’t stand for it.
(Molly is super sweet btw – she put my hair in bunches and didn’t scream once when we watchedNightmare on Elm Street.)
I glared over at her as she waved at me from her desk. I hope to God she’s kidding.
*
5 p.m.Taxi has been called to take us to Lucy’s house. We have roughly three and a half hours before Molly starts getting tired and cranky. That should be enough time to do presents, eat food and have a couple of glasses of wine. I am a considerate and highly efficient mother and friend.
Tuesday March 21st
OMG OMG OMG!!!
Lucy’s birthday dinner last night. HOLY BALLS.
So we got there at half five, Molly carrying the extravagantly-wrapped box that contained Lucy’s specially-requested vouchers and Oliver carrying the pink champagne I intended to open as soon as possible.
Kyle ushered us in to the living room where Hazel, Kevin and Grace were already seated. Lucy, looking as excited as she had been at work all day, whooped when she saw us.
‘Yay! We’re all here! Kyle, grab my phone, will you, I need a photo before booze ruins our good looks.’
One Oscar’s-style selfie later, we sat down to eat a massive pizza that Kyle had lovingly bought on his way over, complete with garlic bread and wedges. I’ve never understood the reasoning behind garlic bread with pizza.I’d like some dough to go along with my other dough, please.Regardless, the kids soon vanished in front of the telly while we all celebrated Lucy turning thirty-seven.
‘Paul sent me a card from New York!’ she said, grabbing it off the mantelpiece. ‘I miss his big gay face.’
Our mutual friend Paul had come back home to Glasgow briefly a few years ago before deciding it was as shite as he remembered. He then quickly sold his flat and returned to New York with his boyfriend. They got married last year.
‘I haven’t emailed him in ages,’ I confessed. ‘I’m a terrible friend.’
Kevin raised his glass to Lucy, to begin our usual round of toasting, which we did to embarrass the shit out of whoever was turning a year older.
