‘Did you kiss her?’
‘Yes. Once.’
I felt like I was going to throw up. ‘I think you should leave.’
‘I’m not going to do that. We need to talk.’
‘I agree you both should keep talking, but perhaps give Phoebe a few minutes,’ Pam suggested. ‘If you wait outside, I’ll call you back in shortly.’
This he agreed to, leaving quietly.
‘God, I’m such an idiot!’ I proclaimed, throwing my hands in the air. ‘I should have seen this coming. Why the hell did I think that Oliver would be any different to any other man? Why did I believe that he was the exception?’
‘Do you believe it was just a kiss?’ she asked.
‘Does it really matter?’ I replied. ‘What do you think?’
‘It’s really not my place to say,’ she said, rubbing her hands together, ‘however, I don’t see any reasonnotto believe him.’
‘What about the fact he’s kept it hidden for a year?’
‘True. But you’ve also kept secrets. Tell me, if you had kissed Frank or the other man you mentioned, would you have told Oliver? Before you answer, think about it. Would you have told him, inevitably hurting him to clear your conscience? Not many people would say yes. I’m not excusing his actions, I’m simply presenting a reason why he may have chosen not to tell you. I see this a lot.’
I wanted to get out of there but I knew if I left while I was this angry, one of us might not make it home. ‘Whatever,’ I replied. ‘Just let him back in.’
Oliver, along with his now white-as-a-sheet face, returned to the couch.
‘I’m really hurt,’ I said, tucking my hair behind my ears. ‘And angry. If I were you, I’d start explaining myself, pronto.’
He recounted how Bethany had been recruited to cover maternity leave for Sara and how they’d worked really well together. I listened as he described how she’d made the long hours he had to work bearable and how she made him feel important at a time when he felt inadequate and useless as a father and a partner. How they’d opened a bottle of wine at work and how she’d kissed him and he kissed her back. And I watched as he cried when he told me how sorry he was.
I didn’t know what to say. I looked at Pam, who for once wasn’t smiling. ‘There are obviously trust issues here now,’ she stated. ‘But issues that can be overcome if you’re willing to put the work in. You may need some time to think things—’
‘We’ll see you next week,’ I replied, my tone cold, almost robotic. I was still numb. Oliver just nodded.
The car journey home was expectedly silent. Oliver understood that saying anything, or pushing his luck in any way, might result in me losing my shit. I just stared straight ahead, the reality hitting me slowly the closer we got to home. By the time he parked, I’d be unsuccessful in holding back my tears. The hurt and disappointment was palpable. All I could think was:why the fuck couldn’t he have been the exception?
Saturday April 29th
Oliver took Molly out today so I could have Lucy and Hazel over for lunch. He’s been quiet since our meeting with Pam last week but then again, so have I.
They arrived with the salad and wine I’d asked them to bring, while I’d thrown a pizza in the oven; it was ready by the time they turned up.
As we sat around the table, I began to tell them the events of last week, doing my best not to cry into the lovely Caesar salad Hazel had prepared. She was the first to react.
‘He did what?! When?’
‘About a year ago.’
‘Was it an actual affair? I don’t understand.’
I picked out the croutons with my fingers. ‘No. He said it was just a kiss. She kissed him but he kissed her back. I’m pretty fucking gutted.’
‘You must be.’ Hazel took my hand and gave it a squeeze. ‘I’m surprised, to be honest. I never thought Oliver would be so . . .’
‘Predictable? Disappointing? Stupid? Arseholey?’
She nodded. ‘All of those. I’d cut Kevin’s balls off if he did that. I can’t believe he kept it hidden for so long.’
