‘Wonderful,’ she said, the smile on her face never wavering. She looked over at Ruby to make sure she wasn’t in earshot of our conversation. ‘He’s back in the house. He says he realises that our kids need him around but I think he realised that living in her shitty flat in Govan wasn’t all he hoped for.’
‘So you’re trying again?’
She laughed. It was creepy. ‘Of course not. Separate bedrooms. I’ve told the children their father snores too loudly. He can continue seeing his homewrecker and I will take a lover.’
There were a million questions swarming around in my mind. Firstly, they have four kids. That’s four bedrooms plus her own and apparently a spare room, too. How fucking big was their house? Secondly, was she really OK living like this? Also, SHE SAID TAKE A LOVER AND NOW I CAN’T GET ‘GLORIA’ FROMFLASHDANCEOUT OF MY HEAD.
Supressing the urge to mention any of this, I smiled and told her I was glad she was doing well.
‘I’m pleased you’re doing better. After last time, I—’
There goes the smile. Her face became cold and motionless. ‘What about last time? What do you mean?’
‘Nothing! Just in your car . . . at nursery . . . you seemed quite, well . . . distraught.’
She threw her Prada handbag over her shoulder and replastered the smile back on her face. ‘I’m sure I have no idea what you mean . . .Ruby! Time to go, sweetheart.’
I didn’t push it any further. If she wanted to pretend it didn’t happen, who was I to insist it did? What good would it do?
Tuesday May 15th
Oliver and I had a massive talk tonight. We discussed how we felt things were going after his confession in Pam’s office, the state of our relationship – basically everything that’s been on our minds for the last week or so. It was tough at times but I’m glad we did. His main issue was me working with Frank again. It was difficult trying to convince him that not only did Ineverhave feelings for Frank but that he didn’t have any for me either. I wasn’t harbouring any then and I’m certainly not now. From what I can gather, Oliver is more concerned about Frank trying it on, than me.
‘He’s a fucking toad. There’s no way he’s not remembering what it was like to sleep with you. And if you go on that London trip . . .’
‘I have no control over that,’ I replied, exasperated. ‘Just as I have no control over who you’ve slept with previously, and whether they remember it. Just trust me when I say that it’s in the past and it’s staying there.’
I think I finally got through to him but it’s still a real sore point. Can I blame him? I don’t know how understanding I’d be if Oliver was still working alongside Bethany. Ugh, even writing her name makes me want to scream. I can’t help but wonder how she feels about what happened between them. She knew he had a partner. A family. Does she feel guilty? Embarrassed? Does she pity me? Think she’ll be the one to save him from his miserable hum-drum life with the wrong woman?
But most of all, I can’t help but wonder if Oliver had feelings for her that went beyond lust. I think that would crush me more than any sexual infidelity.
Wednesday May 17th
I think Pam’s session was productive today, with both of us eventually accepting responsibility for the way our relationship had struggled over the past couple of years. I’d love to blame it all on Oliver and get my‘nothing to do with me, I’m perfect’badge on my way out but I know that’s not true.
When you become a parent, naturally everything becomes about your kid. I threw myself into that role head-first, so much so that even I stopped seeing me as me – just as ‘Mum’. I organised everyone, not just Molly, and thrived on routine, forgetting that life isn’t as linear as I tried to make it. Of course Oliver wouldn’t come crying to me because he wanted more attention – I already had one demanding child. I was doing what I was supposed to do – how could he selfishly ask me for more? But it turns out there was someone else willing to do it. I’m just glad he realised that it wasn’t only recognition he craved; it was me. Yes, he also behaved like a complete dick but we need to move on.
I questioned him about his feelings for Bethany and he assured me they were non-existent. I can either accept this as true or continue to doubt him until it eats away at me. I’m choosing the former. Even when we got home, the conversation continued into the small hours and for the first time I really believe that we can get through this.
Thursday May 18th
I woke up this morning to the sound of Oliver singing along to ‘Love Plus One’ in the shower and it made me smile. Actually, it made me melt; that rush I get when he does something cute came flooding back. Then I watched him dress, while Molly barged in and out of our room, bare-arsed, looking for pants.
‘Morning, sleepy,’ he said, kissing me on the cheek. ‘I need to shoot off; can you help the streaker here find some knickers?’
‘On it,’ I replied, giving myself a shake while he fastened his watch and straightened his tie. ‘You look good,’ I informed him, unashamedly eyeing him up. ‘Really good.’
He paused to look at me, which given my bed-head must have been horrifying.
‘Miss Henderson, are you flirting with me?’
I brushed the hair off my face with my hand. ‘Maybe . . . yes. Why am I so turned on by the fact you just fastened your watch?’
‘Well, my wrists are very manly.’
‘And my pussy is very—hang on, Molly!!’
I dragged my aching vagina out of bed and brushed past Oliver, who told me to hold that thought until tonight.
