He smiled. ‘Yes, you seem like an unlikely friend for her. Regardless, I just thought, since you introduced us, you might like to know our situation.’
An unlikely friend. How does he manage to make every word that comes out of his mouth seem insulting?
‘I didn’t introduce you! Well, not on purpose. Really, I honestly have no use for any of this information. Date whoever you want! I must be getting home.’
Ugh, he’s so infuriating. I’m convinced there’s a tiny part of him that thinks I might be jealous or something.
September
Saturday September 2nd
Molly had her little friend Adam over to play this afternoon. I don’t remember ever having boys over to play when I was her age, mainly because they were disgusting. They still kind of are. I was ironing in the kitchen when Oliver came in looking slightly concerned.
‘Do you know where the screwdrivers are?’
‘Hall cupboard, I think. Why?’
‘I had a listen at Molly’s door a second ago and I’m pretty sure I heard Molly say “Adam, just put your hand around it” so I’m going to take the door off the hinges.’
I laughed a little louder than I meant to. ‘You’re going to be a fucking nightmare when she starts dating.’
‘Damn right, I am,’ he agreed. ‘If we had a porch, I’d be permanently posted there with my shotgun.’
Since Oliver got back from his trip, things have been relatively normal. We even slept together last night. But I still can’t help wondering what exactly went on with him and Bethany. The less he tells me, the more I imagine, and it’s not a healthy place to be. Sometimes I feel like he believes if he just soldiers on as normal, then I’ll forget what happened. But it’s having the opposite effect.
Monday September 4th
We have a session booked with Pam on Wednesday. From the way Oliver’s behaving, I think he feels that everything is fine now – and it is to a certain extent – but the hurt still takes me by surprise every now and then. I want to be able to say, ‘That happened. It felt shitty but life goes on,’ but there’s still a part of me that wonders what the fuck she had that was special enough to turn his head, even just for a moment. I’m aware that the answer might be as simple as ‘a great body’ or ‘big stupid doe eyes’ but what if it was more? What if she made him wonder why the hell he was with me?
Tuesday September 5th
‘He’s taking me for dinner tonight!’ I heard a disembodied voice yell as I waved goodbye to Molly at the school gates. I spun around to see Sarah Ward-Wilson hanging out the driver’s side of her car, which was spread over two parking spaces in case someone accidentally breathed near her beloved 4x4.
‘That’s nice,’ I called back, walking slowly back towards my own car. ‘Hope it goes well!’
‘We’re going to that new place on Royal Exchange Square,’ she continued. ‘At those prices, I expect it to be fabulous!’
I sniggered internally. Frank knows the owner. There’s no way he’s paying for anything other than the tip. Frank rarely pays for anything if he can throw a free advert their way.
I didn’t want to keep this conversation going. I was late for work but more importantly, I didn’t care. I gave her a thumbs up and disappeared into the front seat of my car, just as she began arguing with a guy who noticed her shitty parking. God speed, foolish man.
Wednesday September 6th
‘Honestly? Yes, I’ve had fleeting thoughts about Oliver’s kiss . . . and a dream . . . and it throws me. Not because I’m scared he’ll be tempted to do it again, but because the kick in the chest I feel when it hits me hasn’t seemed to lessen any.’
Oliver began to rub his forehead as Pam listened. A lot was coming out in our session today, the first one we’d had since before our holiday.
‘And did you talk to Oliver about this?’ she asked.
‘No, she didn’t,’ he responded on my behalf. I couldn’t tell if he looked pissed off or hurt.
‘I didn’t see the point,’ I replied. ‘It was a dream. How can I ask Oliver to defend a dream?! That’s not fair.’
‘How did it make you feel?’ she asked.
‘Sore,’ I replied. ‘My heart felt sore.’
Oliver sighed. ‘I will never not feel shitty about this. I don’t know what else to say. But you should have talked to me. I need to know when you’re not OK.’
