‘Just be careful you don’t dismiss something that could offer even a brief moment of joy. Grab your happiness, darling,’ Mum continued. ‘It’s those moments that make all the bullshit we endure worth it.’
As we sat in silence eating our lunch, it struck me that my parents are actually more level-headed than I give them credit for. Despite their cavalier attitude to life, when I need them to be my parents, they come through for me.
‘And you know, if you’re struggling to keep the flame alive, you should try Viagra, Phoebe. Your dad and I have been experimenting with it. It’s strong stuff.’
Oh fuck right off.
Saturday October 21st
Molly and I were there to say goodbye to my parents this morning as they jumped into their hire car and headed for the ferry to take them to Arran. As usual, Dad asked me if I needed any money and I told him no, but I knew he’d have already transferred some into my online account. I’m nearly forty – he shouldn’t be doing that, but will there ever come a point where I stop making sure Molly isn’t skint if I can afford to help? Probably not.
I’ve never understood these really wealthy celebrities who insist they’re not leaving their fortunes to their children because their children should make their own money. I don’t get that. I would give every penny to Molly if it made her life easier. I guess when you’re rich it’s easier to be an asshole.
I used to wonder whether I was a disappointment to my parents. I wasn’t incredibly successful, wealthy, married and or in any way remarkable. However, after becoming a parent I realised that all they wanted was for me to be happy. And I’m almost there.
Monday October 23rd
October school break is over and if I’m right, the next holiday won’t be until Christmas which is encouraging. Also, HOW THE FUCK IS CHRISTMAS THE NEXT HOLIDAY? I want my year back. Once I have it back I can waste it in a far more organised manner.
Tuesday October 24th
Sarah Ward-Wilson was in my office at lunchtime, waiting for Frank to finish some calls so they could go and stuff their faces, which Frank would expense as a ‘client lunch’ because he’s cheap as fuck. I made sure I was busy on calls to avoid having to listen to her brag or bitch. I did hear her have a conversation about Shellac nails with Kelly that sounded riveting.
Lucy’s decided not to do a rehearsal before the wedding as she wants it to be as laid back and informal as possible and also‘It’s a total waste of money. I know how to walk a few steps towards someone and then eat a dinner, for God’s sake’.
She handed out invitations to the evening reception to Kelly, Brian and Frank. Pretty little cards with silver writing which sparkled if the light caught them at the right angle. I already had mine as I was a full-day guest/chief bridesmaid, which basically makes me the most important person who ever lived.
Wednesday October 25th
This morning as I dropped Molly off at nursery, I overheard Lord Wilson talking on the phone. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but, well, I was walking behind her with my ears and she had no idea.
‘Well it’s still early days but I quite like him. Divorced. Loaded. A bit desperate. You know the type. Works with one of the mums I know from school . . . Pardon? Oh, not friends as such, she’s just the only one who hasn’t aged horribly after forty.’
My ears started to burn. I AM NOT FORTY.
‘Anyway, we’ll see how it goes,’ she continued, her leather boots causing puddle splashback as she clomped towards her car. ‘If anything, it shows that cheating bastard that I’m not hanging around. Just a shame I couldn’t have found someone a bit younger. Still, it’s nothing serious; he’s a useful distraction while I work out my next move.’
I arrived at my car first and watched her walk further up the road, still unaware that I’d overheard her conversation. Climbing into my car, my first instinct was to tell Frank what she’d said. That she’d called him desperate. That he was only a distraction. I felt strangely protective towards him and it was completely disconcerting. However, by the time I arrived at work, I’d come to the decision not to get involved. It was none of my business. For all I knew, Frank could also be using her. When it comes to women, he’s not the most earnest man I’ve ever met. Sarah though – she’s really wound me up. What a shifty little fucker she is.
Friday October 27th
Molly insisted on reading her own book tonight and I have to say, I felt rather deflated. Like I’m surplus to requirements now. I wonder if other mothers are totally up their own arse like I am, or whether they just feel happy that they’ve raised a literate child. Sometimes it feels like every little milestone in Molly’s life is a reminder that things will continue to change whether I want them to or not and it happens so quickly.
Sunday October 29th
Tonight Molly informed us that she is the only one in her class and possibly the world who doesn’t have a brother or sister to play with. So we’ve been advised to get her a sibling as soon as possible.
‘What do you think about having more kids?’ Oliver asked as we lay in bed. ‘Seriously, not just for Molly to push around.’
‘I haven’t thought about it,’ I replied. ‘Maybe that’s quite telling.’
‘I have,’ he replied. ‘Fleeting thoughts. Like whether we’d get another good one or an evil little nosepicker who kills small animals.’
I laughed. ‘Aww, our very own serial killer, honey. Nah, I can’t imagine having anymore. I don’t think I want to be doing nappies and sleepless nights in my forties. I’d quite like to have the house to myself again one day. Which means you’ll have to move out too.’
He chuckled. ‘Do you remember we used to just call her “the baby” because we’d be too tired to remember her name at 3 a.m.?’
‘Oliver Webb, stop being broody this instant!’
