I left her fuming beside her car while I took Molly inside.
‘Is your boss really rich?’ Molly asked me.
‘No idea, sweetheart,’ I replied, grabbing a bag of apples. ‘I just made that up. But what I do know is that he’s worth more than that horrible woman.’
Saturday December 23rd
We all met up this afternoon to make our holiday arrangements: who’d be driving who, who’d be bringing what and most importantly, how we’d sneak in the kids’ Christmas presents unseen because Santa was definitely still a thing.
‘Kyle and I will bring them in our car,’ Lucy offered. ‘They won’t be seen there. Just bring them over to mine before we leave tomorrow.’
Hazel put a little tick beside the first item on her list. ‘Great. Now, we’ll need three days’ worth of food. I think everyone should spend £50 max and that includes some cheap wine and beer. I already have the turkey, so someone else can bring the veg and dessert.’
‘We’ll do the pudding,’ Oliver replied. ‘Don’t ask Phoebe to bring the veg, our New Year potatoes were repulsive.’
Oliver kept Molly busy while I carried her Christmas presents to the car later that evening, before picking up Grace’s gifts from Hazel’s and dropping them all off at Lucy’s house. Kyle helped me transfer them to his car so I could sneak home before Molly started asking where I was.
We leave at lunchtime tomorrow. I’m so freakin’ excited, it’s ridiculous. This year has been a hard one but somehow this makes it all disappear.
Sunday December 24th
2 p.m.After battling with the sat-nav, we were the last to arrive at the farmhouse, pulling up beside Hazel’s people carrier. I caught sight of Kevin carrying some boxes into a side door and yelled to let everyone know we were here. We hadn’t all been together like this for five whole years and I could hardly contain my excitement, which mainly seemed to be trying to escape through my bladder.
From the outside the house looked pretty unremarkable. It was a long, purpose-built, grey-brick bungalow sitting alone in a field with the main farmhouse about half a mile away in the distance, looking far more inviting than ours. However, inside it was like a Tardis. A vast kitchen area with dining table, three double en-suite bedrooms, a main bathroom, a living room with huge patio windows and a kid’s room set up with a television, bean bags and bunkbeds. It was modern, clean and all ours for three whole days.
*
3 p.m.Bedrooms chosen and cases unpacked, we all sat down for coffee in the kitchen, remarking on how marvellous everything was and how clever Kevin was for finding this place. Oliver set up the PS4 for the kids. We were all so well-behaved. It wouldn’t last.
*
11.45 p.m.We’d gone through three bottles of wine, two boxes of Pringles and some Mint Matchmakers while we arranged everyone’s presents under our makeshift Christmas tree (a coat stand with tinsel wrapped around). The kids were fast asleep in their bunkbeds as we all sat around finishing our wine and making each other laugh. Every single one of us wondered if we could get a quick shag in that night without everyone else hearing.
*
12.50 a.m.Lucy and Kyle failed. Spot the amateurs who don’t have kids.
Monday December 25th
When Molly and Grace got up at stupid o’clock this morning, they found all their presents laid out in the living room and their shrieks of delight made us all crawl from our beds to join in.
Kevin Bluetoothed his Christmas playlist to the speaker while Hazel and I made tea and toast for those who had an appetite at six-thirty in the morning. As I waited for the bread to pop up, I looked outside into the still-dark morning; snow had been falling heavily overnight and lay perfectly untouched. It’s remarkable how the sight of something so cold can make you feel so warm inside.
After the violent shredding inflicted upon the kids’ presents, we all started opening our own. My gift to Oliver was a pair of sold-out tickets to see The Prodigy next year, some terrible musical socks and thePeaky Blindersbox set. He bought me the new Mhairi McFarlane novel and a gorgeous leather bag (must thank Lucy). Attached to the bag was a tiny pony on a keyring.
‘You got me a pony!’
He winked. ‘What? Did you think I’d forget?’
‘This is the best Christmas EVER.’
*
3 p.m.We’re done eating. I don’t think we will ever be able to eat again. I literally crawled from the table like a wounded soldier to the living room where I claimed my position on the couch and refused to move until Boxing Day.
*
4 p.m.Oliver found chocolate. Damn him. I ate it.
