‘Taking ages to make the tea?’
‘Fuck the tea, I’m serious! He doesn’t know me, Dylan! He thinks I’m sensible and reserved. ME!! I talk to myself! I shout at the television! I cry like a baby when I listen to “Wichita Lineman” and I can’t hear “Icky Thump” without getting the horn.’
He nods. ‘“Icky Thump” is a dirty, dirty track.’
‘It really is, isn’t it? Now, what was I saying?’
‘That you’re weird and he isn’t.’ He starts on his second biscuit.
I carry the teapot over to the table and sit down with a groan. ‘You just don’t get it.’
He pauses. ‘I don’t actually. You’re going out with a good-looking bloke, decent job, who’s probably boring as fuck but who wants to spend time listening to you and having sex with you, but you’re unsure because you might not get to shout at the TV in front of him? There must be more to it than that?’
‘There isn’t, and you’re making me sound shallow,’ I reply, pouring the tea. ‘It’s not as simple as that. If I had to choose between a lifetime of controlled happiness or a lifetime of being myself, I’d choose the latter.’
‘If it helps, there’s a chapter on what do when you break up with—’
‘Oh, shut up about your bloody book.’
‘That’s harsh.’
‘Don’t look at me like that! You created this whole sorry mess. You and Leanne.’
‘Who’s Leanne?’
‘One of your devotees. Between the pair of you, I’ve successfully pursued someone who has no idea what I’m actually like.’
He puts his mug down, pushes out his chair and stands up. ‘You can’t blame me or my book, Cat. Remember, I didn’t choose Tom for you. You were the one who agreed to go out with him in the first place.’
‘You’re right; I did agree to go out with him. I really liked him, but that was before—’
‘Before what?’
‘Nothing. It doesn’t matter.’
‘Oh for fuck’s sake, just tell me!’
‘Before I met you.’
We both take a second to let my words sink in. As he stares at me I begin to wonder if it’s possible to kill yourself with a teapot. The longer he remains silent, the more frustrated I become. I might as well say the rest:
‘Do you know what I hate the most, Dylan? Of all the things I’ve kept from Tom, the biggest one is that when I’m not with him I’m thinking about YOU, and even when I AM with him, you’re still in my head! One minute you’re teaching Grace to cook, the next you won’t even reply to my texts and now you’re over here, uninvited, AGAIN. What is it you want?’
He gets to his feet. ‘I think I should leave.’ His voice is soft and calm. ‘I shouldn’t have come here –’
I stand up and block his way. ‘So why did you? Answer me, Dylan. Why all of this? Why are you here?’
‘Because, Cat, you make it fucking impossible for me to want to be anywhere else!’ He grabs my face with both hands and he kisses me hard. Jesus, it’s a good kiss. I don’t know what it means, but –
It’s the kind of kiss that will ruin me forever.
Chapter Sixteen
‘And then what happened?!’
I can hear the anticipation in Kerry’s voice as I lock my front door and make my way to the waiting taxi. ‘Then nothing. He pulled away, said he was sorry and left.’
‘He left? But he said nice things! He kissed you! What was he sorry for? Did he say anything else? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.’
