‘Oh, come on! It’ll be fun,’ he persists. ‘After all the help I’ve given you this year, chucking on some skates is the least you can do.’
‘Actually, the least I could do is Amazon Prime and a calzone.’
‘I’m taking that as a yes, then.’
‘Fine,’ I concede as his increasingly annoying little face grins back at me. ‘You know, I’ve never seen you put this much effort in with any other woman.’
‘She’s not just any other woman though.’ He takes a sip of his pint. ‘I haven’t felt this way about anyone since. . . well, you know. . . and it’s all down to you.’
‘It is, isn’t it? I’m like the hero you never knew you needed.’
‘Well, I wouldn’t go that—’
‘Your knight in shining loafers.’
He rolls his eyes. ‘I’m trying to say thank you here! You’re a good friend, Nick. Though technically you’re my knight in scuffed Nikes. You definitely can’t pull off loafers.’
I laugh and hold my hands up. ‘Alright! Seriously though, I’m really happy it’s working out with Sarah.’
‘Cheers, mate.’
‘But if for some reason it doesn’t stick, I think I should choose all your future girlfriends. I obviously have a knack for this shit.’
He nods but the look on his face tells me that my services might not be required for a very long time, if ever again.
‘This is a horrible idea,’ I tell Matt for the third time as we reach Hyde Park. ‘Couldn’t you have just taken her to the cinema like a normal, unimaginative boyfriend? Or sit in and watch TV?’
‘It’ll be fun. We’ll grab a hot dog, do some skating—’
‘You know I’m shit at skating. My balance is questionable on dry land at the best of times. I’m going to look like fucking Bambi.’
‘You’ll be fine; stop being such a pussy. It’s ice skating, not tightrope walking, no one cares what you look like. There’s Sarah and Alfie, hurry up.’
I curse him under my breath as we approach them, plastering on a smile so that Alfie doesn’t see just how unhappy I am with this entire situation. The last time I went ice skating was on a school trip in 1999 and I fell so often I was forced to go around the rink holding the teacher’s hand. That’s enough ice-based humiliation to last a lifetime.
Alfie waves enthusiastically, obviously having the best time before we’ve even begun. I smile as I notice that both Sarah and Alfie are wearing matching monkey hats; it’s rather charming.
‘That was good timing,’ Sarah says, leaning in to kiss Matt. ‘We’ve just arrived. I think half of London is here already. Doesn’t it look amazing though?’
She’s right. The park is brightly lit as far as the eye can see, and buzzing with fairground rides, markets, food stalls and, of course, the ice rink. Just hundreds of people with weapons for shoes, sliding dangerously close to each other. Fricking magical. My stomach drops at the thought of it. I’d rather bungee jump off the side of the big wheel.
‘Have you been skating before, Alfie?’ Matt asks as we stroll through the fairy light walkway.
‘Yes,’ he replies, swinging his mum’s hand. ‘We went to Buckingham Palace. Mum fell a lot.’
‘AlexandraPalace,’ Sarah corrects. ‘But the other part is entirely true. I was frequently horizontal. Thankfully, his friend’s mum was there to take over while I stuck to the side.’
‘Looks like you and Nick will have something in common then,’ Matt replies, laughing. God, he’s such a dick sometimes.
Sarah turns around to face me. ‘You can’t skate either?’
I shake my head. ‘Like a newborn calf,’ I inform her. ‘Luckily, Matt is proficient in both skating and taking the piss out of me.’
‘Oh, thank God,’ she replies. ‘I thought I was going to be the only one looking like a halfwit. We can clamber around together, while this pair show us how it’s done. Give Alfie one of those little penguin Zimmer frame things and he’s off like a shot.’
Knowing that I might not be the only loser out there, I suddenly start to feel better. If Sarah is willing to make a tit of herself, then so am I.
As the speakers blast out some obscure disco track from the eighties, we place our shoes in a locker before strapping ourselves into our boots and attempting to stand upright. It’s been over twenty years since I last put a pair of these on, but I haven’t forgotten how awkward they make me feel. Sarah wobbles beside Matt before grabbing his arm. He may not be twirling her around in the air exactly, but it’s pretty romantic all the same.
