‘No, it’s not your fault. If anything, you’ve made things far more bearable lately. I should be thanking you.’
She leans in to hug me and I reciprocate, feeling her grasp tighten ever so slightly as I do. It feels like the most natural thing in the world. As we pull apart our eyes meet, just as they have dozens of times before. Only this time we’re not sitting across from one another at a crumb-covered shopping-centre table, we’re inches apart, and I can still feel her arms around my neck. Her eyes drift down to my mouth. I can barely breathe.
‘THE ADVENTURERS RETURN!’
Jesus fucking Christ, my heart leaps from my chest as Matt and Alfie burst through the front door, congratulating each other on their successful pudding mission. Sarah springs away from me like I’m a ticking bomb.
‘Wow. Success then?’ she says, her voice breaking. ‘What did we get?’
Alfie carefully carries the box and sets it down in the kitchen. ‘Chocolate cake,’ he informs us. ‘They only had tiny trifles, but this cake is huuuuge.’
‘Good job, buddy,’ I say, my brain as scrambled as my trifle. ‘Cut me a piece, I’ll be right back.’
The seclusion of the bathroom is exactly what I need, but once I’ve locked the door, I flop down on the side of the bath, my head in my hands. What is wrong with me? Here’s Sarah having a vulnerable moment and I’m all,she’s totally checking me outwhen she probably was doing nothing of the sort. Oh, fuck this, go eat your cake, Nick, and grow up.
Dessert was evidently worth the wait, with Alfie eating two pieces before falling almost immediately asleep on the couch, his head in Sarah’s lap. She’s been acting like nothing’s happened. . . because it didn’t. Whatever is going on in my head, it certainly isn’t going on in hers.
‘I hear you’re off to Matt’s parents’ house for Christmas. That’ll be nice,’ Sarah says, breaking a slightly awkward silence.
‘Yeah,’ I reply. ‘This will be. . . God, the ninth year. Can’t believe it’s been that long. His family are super nice, they really should adopt me already. I’ve dropped enough hints.’
Matt laughs, calling me ‘Hard Knock Nick’.
Sarah’s laughing makes Alfie stir and she announces that she’d better take him home.
‘We’re getting an early train tomorrow and I still have some packing to finish.’
‘Thanks for my bourbon,’ I say, grinning. ‘I’m chuffed.’
‘Well, thankyoufor Alfie’s robot thing. It’ll keep him entertained while he’s away.’
‘My pleasure. Have a great Christmas. Bye, buddy!’
I watch as she gets Alfie’s coat on, then I disappear to the bathroom to give them some alone time. As I hear the door close behind Sarah and Alfie I feel a pang of both sadness and relief. Being around her is becoming more difficult than I could have anticipated. Matt starts clearing the living room table as ‘Last Christmas’ begins to play. I turn it off immediately before Matt starts reading too much into the lyrics. I’ve had enough misplaced emotion for one evening.
Chapter Eighteen
‘And that, my little elven helpers, is a wrap!’
Everyone stares at me blankly.
‘Get it? Because of the wrapping paper and the fact that we’ve finished. . . forget it.’
Grumbling to myself, I turn to collect the unused gifts while, around me, last-minute Christmas Eve shoppers panic-buy themselves into a frenzy. Izzy pulls across the rope and officially closes the grotto while Geraldine hovers around, reminding everyone that uniforms must be left in her office before we leave.
‘A word, Nick?’
Nope. There’s a word, Geraldine. Just. Fuckin’. Nope.
I put down the gifts and walk over, my head sweating profusely under my hat. ‘Everything OK?’
‘Yes,’ she replies, expressionlessly. ‘Just wanted to thank you for all your hard work over the past few weeks.’
‘Oh,’ I reply, surprised. ‘No worries. It’s been. . . an experience.’
‘Izzy specifically mentioned that you were a valuable addition this year. So, next year, if you want it, we’d be happy to have you back.’
Izzy said something nice about me. Holy shit, I’m just knocking these Christmas miracles out of the park.
