‘Yes, popcorn is fine, just make sure he brushes his teeth,’ Sarah yells from her room.
Alfie runs to the kitchen while I try and shake off the voices in my head and stop them running over my interview relentlessly. Matt notices the look on my face.
‘Will you stop worrying already? I’m sure it wasn’t nearly as crap as you imagine.’
‘Mate, I told them I thought it was my calling to work as Santa!’ I say quietly. ‘My way of giving back to the community. It was like I couldn’t stop talking utter garbage. MY CALLING. What kind of idiot says they were destined to work in a different industry at a freaking job interview?’
He smirks supportively. ‘I’m not sure working as a Santa counts as an industry? But they’re do-gooders. They’ll eat that shit up. Better than saying no one would hire you. . .’
‘Nick! I can’t reach the popcorn!’
I leave Matt and join Alfie in the kitchen where he is on his tippy toes, straining to reach the top shelf, even though it’s a good metre out of his grasp. I can’t help smiling as I lift it down for him. I ask him to get two bowls from the dish drainer while I microwave the popcorn.
It’s not often I hear of lawyers playing Santa Claus.
‘Ready!’ Sarah announces. ‘Sorry, I couldn’t find my earrings.’
‘No problem,’ Matt replies. ‘You look great. We should head out though, reservation is for seven.’
I yell bye from the kitchen as they both rush out the door. I don’t need to see how great she looks, I’m already aware. Besides, I have enough going on in my head without adding Sarah in some slinky dress to the chaos.
I settle down on the couch with Alfie, divide up the popcorn and turn on Netflix.
‘Mum says Mrs Grainger will be watching me when you go away,’ Alfie says quietly, as we watch the film. ‘I don’t want her, she never plays with me. She just talks to her cats.’
‘Your mum told you I was going away?’
He nods. ‘She said that you might get a job far away. Don’t you like us anymore?’
‘Of course, I do, buddy!’ I exclaim, my stomach plummeting as I notice his bottom lip beginning to wobble. ‘It’s just that sometimes grown-ups need a change.’
He stares at me blankly.
‘Right. . . I’ll try and explain it better. You enjoy nursery, right? It’s fun. You know everyone, you know where all the good toys are.’
He nods.
‘But eventually you’ll leave and start school. Not because you hate nursery, but just because you’re ready to move on to something different. You’ll still keep all of your old friends, but you’ll make new ones! You’ll have new challenges, new toys and become a big boy who can do more things for himself. That’s what I’m doing. I’m trying to be a big boy too.’
He ponders this before saying, ‘I don’t want you to go. I don’t want Mum to be unhappy again.’
I pull him in for a hug. ‘Aww, Alfie, why would she be unhappy again? Look at all the fun she’s having with Matt now and the stuff you guys do together. That’s what has made her happy. Besides, I promise that wherever I move, I’ll only be a car ride away, so I’ll drive up to come and see you all the time. Deal?’
Strictly speaking, this isn’t a false promise. Even if I moved to Aberdeen, it would still only technically be a car ride away, but Alfie seems satisfied anyway. He smiles and agrees which makes me feel a little better, though I’m still somewhat disconcerted that Sarah’s been speaking to Alfie about the possibility of me leaving but hasn’t directly mentioned it to me. Maybe the only effect it will have on Sarah is disrupting her childcare arrangements. The thought of not seeing her regularly anymore kills me and I know that’s exactly why I need to go. However, after today’s interview, I have a feeling that it might be a while before it happens.
Kensington Fox. Why did you really leave?
Jesus fucking Christ, why did I go with honesty? Why didn’t I just stick to the whole expanding one’s horizons, bullshit? Or that I wanted to try something new? Anything except that pile of melodramatic drivel. I should call Greta and see if Slough is still available.
Saturday morning begins with a plate of Matt’s famous French toast. It’s been two days since my interview and my cringe level has gone from a strong ten to a much more manageable four. There are lessons to be learned here and once I figure out what they are, I’ll be sure to implement them. Matt hands me the maple syrup while he turns on LBC radio.
‘Do we need to listen to this?’ I whine, drenching my breakfast in sugar. Matt loves radio phone-in shows – almost as much as French toast – but I hate them with a passion. It’s like the radio version of Facebook.
Matt takes a seat, grinning. ‘How can you not love this shit? Angry members of the British public, ranting down the phone for the whole world to hear? It’s music to my ears.’
‘I’d prefer actual music to my ears,’ I mumble. Thankfully, my phone rings and I move through to my bedroom just as Geoff from Kent starts talking about Brexit.
‘Nick. Joe Dalton here, sorry to bother you so early. Our Saturdays here get hectic later in the day. I hope I’m not interrupting your breakfast?’
