‘He’s not the only one who doesn’t want you to go, you know. I’m really going to miss you, Nick.’
‘We’ll still see each other,’ I reply, smiling and hoping it masks my sudden urge to cry. ‘I mean, you’re Matt’s girlfriend. There’s no way he—’
She steps closer, her face now visibly upset. ‘Is that all I am, Nick?’ she asks. ‘You just see me as Matt’s girlfriend. . . nothing more?’
‘Well, we’re friends too. Right?’
She doesn’t reply, but her eyes never leave mine. My heart feels like it’s going to pound right out of my chest.
‘Are we? You really think we arefriends?’
What is she asking me?I search her face for a clue, but she’s searching mine just as intensely in return.
‘Sarah, I don’t know what—’
‘Yes, you do,’ she replies, her voice trembling. ‘I need to know, Nick. I need to know, before you leave, if I’m just a friend or—’
My mind is racing. Does this mean she feels the same way? What the fuck is happening?
Sarah steps forward again and I gulp. I find my hand reaching out and touching her face of its own accord. She is openly crying and she has never looked more beautiful. She is literally breaking my heart right now. All I want is to hold her, but. . .
‘I. . . Sarah. . . I don’t know what to say. . . I’m sorry. I don’t understand. . . I can’t. . . Matt—’ My voice breaks on the last word.
‘My hat!’
Alfie’s voice surprises us both and I snatch my hand from Sarah’s face, stumbling back against the bed, as Alfie and Matt burst into my bedroom.
‘I forgot my monkey hat. . . Mum, why are you sad?’
I feel my face begin to burn as Matt stands in the doorway, watching Sarah surreptitiously wipe away her tears.
‘Everything OK in here?’ he asks. His face is unreadable, his voice emotionless.
Sarah nods. ‘Just me being silly. You know how I get with goodbyes.’
‘She’s trying to blackmail me with tears,’ I quickly respond, ‘but the lure of the bright lights of suburban Oxford is just too powerful.’
He pulls Sarah in for a cuddle. ‘Don’t get upset over this fool. He’ll be back annoying us before you know it.’ His tone is jokey, but his expression is blank, and his eyes haven’t left my face. I feel like they are burning through me. Does he know? Has he finally realised that I have been pining after his girlfriend for nearly as long as I’ve known her?
‘I know,’ she replies, sniffing. ‘It’s just hard to find a good babysitter these days.’
She laughs and I smile, but inside I’m dying. We’re both lying to Matt’s face and I couldn’t feel any shittier if I tried.
Sarah leaves swiftly after, Matt walking her and Alfie downstairs, leaving me to go back to the party where I find Harriet and Noel sitting at the table. Harriet’s on the apple juice as she’s breastfeeding.
‘I’m going to have to admit defeat,’ she says reluctantly. ‘My nips are leaking like crazy. You alright? You look a bit pale.’
‘I’m fine,’ I lie, trying to keep the tremble out of my voice. ‘Just a bit overwhelmed. Where are you staying?’
‘Travelodge up the road,’ Noel replies. ‘Mum’s there with Iris. Pop by tomorrow before we go and you can meet her.’
‘Your mum?’
‘Iris,’ he replies, laughing. God, my brain has officially turned to mush.
‘I’m driving up to Oxford in the morning, but I promise I’ll come and visit soon,’ I say, hugging them both. ‘I appreciate you coming through to see me, though. Means a lot.’
‘Well, we wanted to meet Matt’s girl too,’ Harriet confesses mischievously. ‘That was worth the train journey. She’s so sweet, I’d never have believed it! Didn’t think I’d see him this happy ever, after. . . well, you know.’
