We both look at Alfie who’s giggling while Spot licks his face, having jumped on to the seat next to Alfie.
‘Don’t let him lick your mouth, sweetie. . . seriously, Nick, what are you doing here?’
I place my stinging hand on the table and take a deep breath.
‘I’m not here to speak for Matt,’ I reply. ‘Although it’s my fault you got involved with him in the first place. And I can’t believe he did that to you. I’m so sorry, Sarah. God, the last thing I wanted was for you to get hurt. If I’d known that he was still in love with Karen—’
‘It isn’t your fault, Nick,’ she interjects, lowering her voice in the hope that I’ll also take the hint and follow suit. Alfie isn’t paying attention to us, but it seems at least half a carriage of passengers are.
‘Look, I’m fine,’ she continues. ‘Yes, I was angry with Matt. . . well, furious is probably more fitting. . . but it’s been nearly a month since it happened. Besides, he sent me a long text last week, properly explaining everything. I’m not sure anyone knew just how relentlessly heartbroken he was when she left. He kept it hidden well. But I know what it’s like to be in love like that. . .’
Her voice wobbles and trails off as she focuses on Alfie. I can tell she’s trying to hold it together.
‘Look, Matt got the chance to get that love back. I’m certainly not going to hold that against him or you. Besides, dating Matt got me back out there. He made it less scary.’
‘Wow,’ I reply. ‘You’re taking this very well. In university, Matt cheated on someone and she threw his laptop out of the window.’
She laughs. ‘Maybe ten years ago I would have been the same. Listen, I appreciate you trying to do the right thing, or whatever this is, but—’
‘No, Sarah, I’m here because I wanted to tell you that—’
‘To be honest, Matt actually did me a favour.’
I stop, confused. ‘He did?’
She nods. ‘Part of me was relieved when he broke it off. I was also trying to bury feelings for someone else. It’s no wonder we didn’t fully click. Neither of us were honest. We were doomed from the start. But I guess this frees me up to pursue that now.’
I feel my heart sink. God, I feel so foolish. Here I am, jumping on to trains to tell Sarah I love her, and she’s been in love with someone else the whole time. We are now well out of the station – and it’s an hour until the first stop. Fucking brilliant.
‘You had something to tell me?’ she asks.
I shake my head. I’m such an idiot. I don’t even know how to hide my disappointment right now. I’m not even sure it matters.
‘Forget it,’ I mumble, ‘I didn’t realise you were. . . I mean, I’m happy for you. And him. I hope you get—’
My words fall away as she leans forward and kisses me, her hair falling against my face.
‘There is nohim, stupid,’ she informs me as she pulls her mouth away. She looks into my eyes. ‘It’s you. It has always been you, Nick.’
‘Then why—’ I break away, leaning against the back of the seat, my lips still tingling from her kiss.
‘I couldn’t come between you and Matt. He’s your family. And I didn’t know if you liked me back. That night in your room. . .’
I smile. All this time we’ve both been trying to spare Matt’s feelings when his heart was firmly elsewhere. I take a pause, trying to process everything, but all I can think about is that kiss.
‘Please. Say something,’ she implores. ‘You’re leaving me hanging here. Again.’
‘Well, I came here to tell you that I’m completely, totally, madly in love with you,’ I say, ‘but you kind of stole my thunder.’
She gives a little shriek and pounces on me, kissing me again like her life depends on it. The woman three seats down gives a gasp, mumbling that this is neither the time, nor the place. The rest of the carriage begins to clap and there are whistles from the less uptight passengers.
‘Mum?’
We turn to see Alfie sitting there looking confused. God, I almost forgot he was there. This must be so weird for him. I unwrap from Sarah and she pulls Alfie in for a huge hug.
‘Sorry, sweetie, Nick and I were just. . . um. . . sorting things out.’
‘I know what kissing is, Mum.’
