Way to go, Nora! Offend the only person remotely interested in talking to you on day one. Good job!
He holds his hands up, surrendering. ‘Woah, relax. It’s a good thing. I saw you sniggering while you were cosmically ordering your ideal partner. It comforted me to know that I had a fellow doubter.’
‘Sorry,’ I quickly reply. ‘It’s been an odd morning. But you’re right. I don’t belong here. Long story, but this was a birthday gift from my family.’
‘Why does your family hate you?’
I laugh. ‘My sister works for the PR firm handling this. They needed to make up numbers, the birthday part was just coincidental. I’m very happy being single, they just can’t accept it.’
We pass by the reception which is starting to fill up with guests looking for lunchtime sustenance. The smell of homemade soup wafts from the open front door, revealing a flustered-looking Persephone in a brown apron.
‘Weirdly enough, I am also here for free,’ Will replies. ‘Though it wasn’t my birthday. My editor paid for me to come. Eight hundred words on what it’s like to attend the exclusive new-age love bootcamp that’s taken America by storm.’
‘Who do you write for?’ I ask, rubbing my hands together for warmth.
‘Incel Quarterly.’
‘Very funny.’
‘I write for lots of different publications but this one is forFMQ.’
I make an impressed face. It’s one of the better-known men’s magazines. ‘The interview they did with Bill Gates was excellent. Very probing.’
He nods. ‘Not one of mine but yeah, it was. They have a fascination with self-made millionaires, like the CEO of this set-up, Larry Wilde. I hear he’s insufferable and smells like sandalwood. Look, you’re the only one who knows I’m undercover here and I’d like to keep it that way.’
‘Sure, Will,’ I reply, ‘if that’s even your real name…’
‘It is… though you can call me “staff writer” throughout these proceedings.’
‘This is me,’ I say, pointing at my cabin. ‘Lucky thirteen.’
‘I know,’ he responds, smirking. ‘I’m next door. I saw you freezing your ass off in your dressing gown earlier.’
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake. I thought no one could see into the hot tub area!’
‘You can’t, the tubs are lower level, but the decking is a free for all. Anyway, neighbour, I’m going to eat and grab a drink. Fancy coming in for a quick beer?’
‘Um… no, I’m good,’ I say.Strange man I’ve only just met, I add in my head, edging towards my house. Why on earth would I follow him into his cabin for afternoon booze that he might have spiked? Hasn’t he ever seenLaw & Order: SVU? He notices my reluctance.
‘Good God, woman, I’m just being friendly! Look, I think it’ll be a long, boring week without someone to trash-talk with. I say we buddy up and get through this as unscathed as possible.’
‘Erm…’
He shrugs. ‘Think about it… but not for too long, we’re only here for a week. I don’t want to see you in my rear-view mirror, chasing my car, yelling “I ACCEPT YOUR OFFER”,while I’m driving out of your life for good.’
He’s insane, but I can’t help but be impressed by his bravado. And his dimples.
‘Right, I’ll see you back at the manor for round two,’ he continues. ‘We’re coveringgratitude scriptingand more meditation. I’m so excited, you have no idea.’
Without waiting for a response, Will walks off, talking to himself. ‘Yep, so very excited. Fifteen years in journalism to spend a week chatting to the bloody universe.’
I make my way inside, laughing. I have no idea what to make of him, but I’m not unhappy that we’ve met. Maybe this week won’t be so mind-numbing after all.
CHAPTER13
By the time I’ve finished off the remainder of the morning’s breakfast (a sticky cinnamon roll and some powdery, bland muesli), I wish I’d picked up some of that soup I smelled on the walk back. I’m still famished. It must be all the unpolluted air and unnecessary walking that’s increased my appetite. I scramble around in my case and retrieve my emergency packet of instant noodles, along with the bag of M&Ms I was saving for my Netflix marathon. I’ll replace them with something from the store later. Like wine.
Noodles microwaved, I sit at the dining table and swipe to my contacts on my phone. I could call Victoria, but it’ll be the lunch rush at the café, so she won’t have time to chat. Faith is the only one left and I have no intention of complying with her request that I stop pestering her or Charlie.
