‘Vibration,’ we all reply like robots. There’s a rumbling of approval from the audience and a groan of scepticism from Will, followed by a chuckle from me. ‘She’s seriously using physics to try and legitimize this?’ he whispers. ‘Einstein is turning in his grave.’
Anna presses her projector-screen clicker.
‘Even Albert Einstein said, “Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want, and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics”.’
I start to laugh as Will glares at the large photo of Einstein who is clearly lying perfectly still.
‘Let me ask y’all a question. Why do you want to be in love? Give me your reasons. Yes, let’s start with you.’
A man in his twenties runs his hand through his blonde quiff and clears his throat.
‘I just want someone to share my life with,’ he replies.
‘Great. And you, gentleman with the glasses and the dark coat?’
‘Companionship.’
‘Uh-huh. Lady in the pink jumper?’
‘Security… and romance, I guess.’
‘Excellent, blonde woman with the ponytail at the back.’
Dammit.My heart jumps and hits my stomach with a thud. She’s found me.
‘Erm, I want to be in love because I…’
‘Don’t overthink it, sweetie. First thing that pops into your head.’
‘Sex!’ I blurt out.Oh, for goodness’ sake, why didn’t I just say companionship like the old fella? I hear a few giggles from the audience, Will included.
‘Oh, hell yeah!’ Anna responds. ‘Probably the most honest answer yet. Be all about that intimacy, darlin’, I know I am.’
‘So, Anna’s a pervert too. Good to know,’ Will whispers, and I elbow him hard in his side.
‘And you, sir?’ She’s looking right at Will. ‘Why do you want to be in love?’
‘I want a family,’ he replies, in the most beta male voice he can muster. ‘I want to have at least seven children and build a life with the woman I love.’
Typical. I get laughed at, but Will gets every single woman making ‘aww’ noises. He’s basically just been granted permission to every vagina in the room, including Sally’s.
‘Oh, that’s wonderful,’ Anna remarks. ‘You two are killing it with your honesty up there.’
Will and I glance at each other, determined not to laugh.
‘And although everyone gave good answers, they’re not the real reasons. You see, the reason we all want anything is to be happy. It’s not gettingthe thing, it’s the feeling it produces. And if you can feel that feeling first, the thing you want will have no choice but to follow. Sounds backwards, doesn’t it? Y’all are thinking, “How can I feel happy before I have the thing that will make me feel happy?”.’
Everyone chuckles, hanging off her every word. The air is thick in here from the rapid increase in devotion and fawning. If this is only day one, by day six she’ll be arriving to a sea of people bowing and curtseying. I’m not denying that she’s charismatic, but people seem ready to believe anything she says.
‘It’s really not that difficult. It doesn’t matter what you’re thinking about, just think about something that will give you that feeling. The easiest way to start this process is by thinking of what you’re already grateful for. Things that you already have which make you happy. Open your books.’
The notebooks we’ve been given are surprisingly fancy. White hardbacks with velvety covers and lined inside.
Anna takes a long swig from a green, metal water bottle. ‘I want you all to write down five things that you are grateful for –really grateful for. Close your eyes if it helps.’
The room goes deathly quiet. Will nudges me to look at his book, where he’s already written:
I’m not grateful for anything. My life is a sham.
