Bah. My turn again.
‘I have no relationship with my mother because she cannot survive without a man, even at the expense of her children’s happiness. I’m the complete opposite, thankfully. My child comes before me.’
I pause as I realise that my need to ensure I’m nothing like my mother means that Charlie’s happiness might have come at the expense of mine.
Will looks at me with a puzzled expression as it starts to sink in just how little consideration I give to my own needs. Charlie is everything, so I am nothing? Yikes, that wasn’t my plan.
‘Earth to Nora… you alright?’
‘Sorry. Just having a think. Your turn.’
‘Why does this feel like a competition?’ he says, scratching his head. ‘My life really isn’t that complicated and—’
‘But… my… my… my dog was like my child!’
The sudden outburst from the front row makes everyone jump. It seems Ashley from Group Four is really unravelling. Anna takes her to the side while we try not to gawp.
‘Funny how no one ever says their child is like their dog,’ Will remarks, still throwing glances over to Ashley, who is now blowing her nose. ‘Anyway, you have another go while I think of something. What else do you want to never speak of again?’
I give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe his life just isn’t that complicated.
‘Apart from this bootcamp? Hmm, my love life, one hundred percent. I’m sick of thinking about it, my family commenting on it, everything.’
He raises an eyebrow like I’m about to reveal something juicy.
‘My first, proper long-term relationship was with a man called Luke who spent most of it high and my last was with a man called Stuart who spent most of it keeping me down.’
I haven’t thought about Luke Young in a long time. A six-foot, skinny twenty-three-year-old who only stopped smoking weed when he was asleep. I don’t even remember how we ended things, unlike my breakup with Stuart. I remember every word of that.
‘Since my last relationship, I’ve coasted between unavailable men I can’t have and men I know I don’t want. If I already know it’s not going anywhere, it won’t hurt when it inevitably doesn’t… yet, it still does. Isn’t that pitiful? Being rejected by someone you didn’t want in the first place, and it still stings. It’s like,“I’m not even good enough for YOU?!”Anyway, all I know is I haven’t met anyone worth disrupting my life or Charlie’s for and I don’t expect to. Why am I even telling you this?’
‘Charlie is your son?’
‘No, my daughter. Charlotte.’
‘Ah. Nice name. I know I’m technically not supposed to comment but—’
‘I don’t need a response,’ I say, cutting him off. ‘Saying a lot of this out loud is actually making me realise that I’ve made a rod for my own back, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. Just tell me something personal about your love life and make me feel less pathetic.’
He sighs. ‘You’re not pathetic. At least you’re not separated from your wife and desperately hoping she’ll change her mind. Now,that’spathetic.’
Wow, I wasn’t expecting that! I try not to react but it’s tricky as he’s obviously struggling with it. Turns out he’s far more complicated than he thinks.
‘When we met, neither of us wanted kids,’ he continues. ‘But after eight years, clocks start kicking and things change. I mean, I know I’m forty-two, but I think I’d be a great dad.’
Bloody hell, he just keeps bringing the surprise revelations. I automatically assumed it was his wife who wanted kids, not him.
‘Sabine won’t even consider changing her mind and thinks I’ll eventually resent her for denying me the chance to become a dad. What really kills me is that I’m not sure she’s wrong… anyway, we split almost a year ago. I haven’t spoken to her in six months.’
And he still keeps the ring in his pocket, I think. God, this is both sad as hell and remarkably romantic.
‘And I also got dumped by a girl at university who said I was too thin and said it was like shaggingHollow Man. So, I’ll see your heartbreak and raise you body shaming.’
The laugh that leaves my throat is a welcome release.
‘Time’s up, everyone.’
‘Do you want to know something really annoying?’ I ask, as everyone packs up. ‘I do actually feel better after saying all this crap out loud. I don’t feel so burdened.’
