‘I know I can trust you all not to spread this around,’ he continues. ‘It was… it was a difficult time.’
‘Drugs?’ Allison asks, leaning in. ‘Was it drugs? Booze?’
I glare at Will.
He shakes his head. ‘No, nothing like that. Maybe I’ve spoken out of turn. It’s not my place to tell you what Nora was treated for.’
Aannndit’s all eyes on me. I purse my lips and try to look solemn. As much as I want to ram my kitten heel up Will’s arse, there’s a tiny part of me that is enjoying this. Besides, we’re in too deep now.
‘Shopping,’ I say, cocking my head to the side, like Princess Diana. ‘I had a shopping addiction.’
The women gasp while Will quietly snorts.
‘Shopping?’ Nish asks, sounding slightly disappointed that I wasn’t a full-blown meth enthusiast. ‘How much did you—’
‘I spent thousands,’ I confess. ‘Designer clothes, custom-made underwear, imported shoes, anything. I even had Stella McCartney design my wedding dress.’
‘You were married?’
‘No. He left when he found out the extent of my addiction. He wasn’t a wealthy man, you see.’
‘Well, that was your first mistake,’ Allison remarks bluntly.
‘Perhaps,’ I answer, stunned that they’re believing this. ‘Regardless, I went into rehab and, well, that’s where I met Will.’
Meg suddenly chimes in. ‘So, wait… is that why you’re always dressed in cheap clothes? Because expensive stuff is a reminder of that awful time in your life?’
Will pretends to drop his knife so he can disappear under the table and laugh. I kick him again. ‘You’re so insightful, Meg,’ I reply. ‘That’s exactly why. I’ve learned to be happy wearing high street rather than Bond Street. And now, I just need to find that special someone who will also love me, regardless of my label.’
Will finally finds his knife and reappears, his eyes teary from laughing, just as the waiters serve our dinner.
‘You see, Will’s getting emotional,’ I say. ‘It was a tough time for both of us. What with my overspending and Will’s sex addiction…’ I mouth the word sex like a repressed housewife. Now it’s Will’s turn to kick me.
We’re served salmon parcels with pesto-dressed vegetables, but no one cares about the food. They’re waiting for Will to tell his story, as am I. He stalls until the waiters have left before beginning.
‘There isn’t much to say,’ he begins, clearing his throat. ‘While Nora chose to spend money to get her kicks, I got comfort from shagging as much and as often as possible.’
‘Porn!’ Nish blurts out. No one is sure whether this is a question or a confession.
‘Not quite,’ Will replies. ‘I prefer real women. But I cheated on girlfriends, I met women online, in bars, anywhere. It got to the point where it was all I could think about, all I wanted to do.’
He turns to Allison and leans in. ‘Have you ever just had that urge… that craving for skin on skin, hot, sweaty grinding?’
She glazes over and quietly gulps. ‘Uh-huh.’
‘It’s all consuming, isn’t it?’ he says, smiling seductively. I find myself staring at his dimples again. All Allison can do is nod. I think she’s about to pass out.
He pulls back and shrugs. ‘So, I sought help. I’ve been celibate for five years now.’
‘FIVE YEARS?’ says, well, everyone.
Will nods. ‘That’s why I’m here. I’m ready to be intimate again. To learn how to love again.’
‘But five years, bruv?’ Russell replies, looking genuinely shocked. ‘I’m struggling at a week. That’s crazy, man!’
‘I think it’s commendable,’ Meg replies, cutting into her weird-looking vegan dish while Allison bobs her head in agreement. ‘Like atoning for your sins or something.’
Of course. Will gets applauded for his fake recovery while I just get called a bad dresser. I start hacking into my salmon.
