‘Ah,’ I reply. ‘Die Welt sehen? Quite right.’
She laughs. ‘Ja, so ähnlich.’
I see Carly glance at Kate, then hold out her hand. ‘So sorry, I’ve just ambushed you all. I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Carly.’
‘Kate,’ she replies, her eyes widening a little.
‘Oh, wow!’ she exclaims. ‘I’ve heard so much about you. So happy to finally meet you.’
‘Likewise,’ Kate replies, smoothing down her hair. She always does that when she’s nervous. ‘What brings you to Castleford?’
‘My sister Bethan’s playing in the band,’ Carly says, pointing to the blonde woman I recognise as first euphonium. ‘I’m staying with her for Christmas, thought this might be a giggle.’
‘Hello, stranger!’ Dad exclaims, his arms full of individual pies and chips. ‘Fancy seeing you here.’
‘I like to get around, Mr M.,’ she replies, going in for a hug. ‘Oh, I think I squashed something. What’ve you bought? They smell brilliant.’
Dad gestures towards the Peak Pie van. ‘Can I get you something?’
‘Aww, no, but thank you, I’m just leaving. So happy I got to see you all!’
‘Really great to see you, too,’ I say, hugging her again. ‘Keep intouch, it’s been too long!’
‘I will. Promise! Bye, everyone.’
As she walks off, Mum gives Dad a quick slap on the arm. ‘Jesus, Chris, you nearly got pie all over her lovely coat.’
We arrive home and I kick off my boots, ready to have a few drinks by the fire, maybe watch some cheesy Christmas film before bed. Mum finally gets to open the Baileys and furnishes everyone with a glass whether they want it or not. Dad’s decided he’s still hungry and puts out some crisps, pâté, crackers, chocolate and an assortment of cheese. Finally, the mystery of the expanded gut is solved.
‘Wasn’t it nice to see Carly?’ Mum says, slipping on her furry slippers. ‘Lovely girl. She always reminds me of Goldie Hawn, you know. . . so pretty and petite and bubbly.’
I hear Kate sigh before grabbing a fistful of cheese puffs.
We browse through some films before deciding onLove, Actually– because who doesn’t love to see simulated sex scenes with Martin Freeman in front of their parents, but it’s Mum’s favourite film.
‘Aww, doesn’t she look gorgeous,’ Mum declares as Keira Knightley appears in her wedding dress. ‘I do love a good wedding.’
Kate catches my eye and we both know what’s coming.
‘You’d suit that dress, Kate; you’d fill it better on top, anyway. Though I always pictured you in something more traditional. Less fussy.’
‘I can’t say I’ve ever thought about it,’ Kate replies, glancing down at her own boobs. ‘But good to know.’
‘You’ve never thought about what dress you’d wear on your wedding day?’ Mum exclaims. ‘Blimey, I think I had mine picked out by the time I could talk.’
Mum’s knocking back the Baileys’ like it’s a milkshake andKate’s looking irritated. I’m starting to feel a little nervous.
‘I guess some women just aren’t built that way,’ Kate responds, shrugging. ‘It’s not the be all and end all.’
‘Can we change the subject?’ I ask. ‘Look, Mum– there’s that blonde girl you like fromGavin and Stacey.’
‘I do like her,’ Mum remarks. ‘Beautiful Welsh accent, just like Carly. Don’t you just love the way—’
‘Oh, for god’s sake,’ I hear Kate mumble and I shoot her a warning look. She rolls her eyes and goes back to the film but an hour, two fluffy ducks and the sight of kids dressed up for the nativity is all it takes for Mum to finally break Kate.
‘They’re so precious at that age, aren’t they Chris?’ she says welling up. ‘When you two lovebirds finally settle down, you’ll have all this to—’
‘Yvonne, with all due respect, please change the subject,’ Kate snaps. ‘It’s been babies and marriage since I got here and honestly, if I’ve learned anything in my line of work it’s that marriage is an outdated institution which people are kicking and screaming to get out of, and the poor kids get stuck in the middle. Quite frankly, it’s not something I aspire to. My life is difficult enough. Shit!’
