‘I still want you, Kate,’ I say. ‘That hasn’t changed.’ I position my hand beside hers. ‘But you were right. There is something broken between us. It was unfair of me to have a go at you fornot saying anything sooner because I didn’t say anything either.’
I feel her fingers intertwine with mine and I try to hold back my own tears.
‘I found your phone in the bathroom,’ I confess. ‘I know you’ve still been working.’
She sighs. ‘Ed, I don’t want to go over this again.’
‘I know. It just didn’t make me feel good that you felt you had to hide it from me. I don’t want to live like that.’
‘Neither do I.’
We sit quietly, fingers interwoven, just listening to the sounds on the street outside and the low mumble from the television downstairs.
‘Is there any way we can save this?’ I ask.
‘I don’t know,’ she replies softly. ‘We still want such different things, Ed. I’m not sure that will ever change.’
I give her hand a gentle squeeze before turning to face her. God, her beautiful face.
‘I love you, Kate.’
She wipes her eyes and smiles. ‘I love you, too, Ed. Regardless of what happens, I really, really fucking love you.’
We kiss for the first time since we arrived in Castleton, but it’s bittersweet and we both know it. She pulls away first, leaning her forehead against mine.
‘What a fucking Christmas,’ she says, with a small laugh which breaks the tension.
‘Tell me about it,’ I reply. ‘I’m so sorry that silly book made you cry.’
‘No, the book is amazing,’ she counters. ‘But I was also crying because I got you such a shitty gift.’
She hands me the parcel and covers her face.
I tear open the wrapping and read the box: Ray Gun Nose Trimmer.
I start to laugh. ‘Oh my god. I literally spent hours on thatscrapbook!’
‘We said only small gifts this year,’ she replies, playfully pushing me as my laughter gets louder.
‘Small gifts?’ I ask, trying to catch my breath. ‘You literally cut out a picture of Vivienne Westwood earrings and left it on my side of the bed. And I get this!’
‘A girl can dream,’ she replies, grinning. ‘Besides, you have this one hair that drives me crazy. Sometimes when you breathe, it looks like it’s waving at me.’
Now she’s laughing, too, and we can’t stop.
Finally, we’re able to compose ourselves and decide to head back downstairs. We enter the living room, still giggling.
‘Apologies, everyone,’ Kate says. ‘I got a little emotional. I’m good now.’
‘We’re going to watchPaddington 2!’ Tom announces. ‘Come and sit with me, Ed.’
Kate and I lock eyes for a second as Tom pulls me towards the couch. I know that technically nothing was resolved but I feel like a weight has been lifted. I pick up my melted dessert and sit down beside Tom. An hour later, he’s snuggled up to me, fast asleep.
2013
Kate
‘You don’t have to come in, you know. No one would blame you. It’s hardly the most exciting way to spend a Saturday afternoon.’
