‘It’s fine,’ Mum insists. ‘Most of this will freeze. Damn, I’ve left Mum’s meds in the car.’
‘I’ll get them,’ Gary replies. ‘No problem.’
‘Oh, brilliant,’ Paula responds. ‘What would I do without you?’
‘We really should get going,’ I tell Gubba reluctantly. ‘Are you sure there’s nothing else we can do before we go?’
‘I don’t think so,’ she replies. ‘You get on your way.’
‘Well OK, if you’re sure. Take care and I’ll call you soon,’ I tell Gubba as we hug. ‘And anything you need. . .’
‘I know,’ she says. ‘It’s been so lovely seeing the pair of you. Look after each other.’
‘Bye, Gubba.’
We’ve already said our goodbyes to Mum and Gary, but I hug them again, anyway. I need it today.
I feel almost overwhelmed as we head back to the car. Until this visit, I’d never thought of Gubba as fragile, but now I realise just how short and fucking special our time together is– and not just with Gubba. My time with everyone. My time with Ed.
Ed
‘You all right?’ I ask Kate as we get in the car. She looks a million miles away.
‘I think so,’ she replies. ‘It’s just been a lot, you know.’
I nod and start the car, beginning our long drive home to London. To say our time here has been intense would be an understatement. Kate’s handled everything brilliantly, though I had no doubt she would. She’s the strongest woman I’ve ever known.
For the first part of the journey, all I can think about is what Gubba said to Kate and I’m fairly certain that she said it loudly enough so I could hear:one day there will be no work to do and no place to be and all you’ll have is whatever time you have left.
I don’t want to be alone when that happens, but I cannot envisage spending that time with anyone other than Kate– and that scares me.
We pull into motorway services to grab some lunch and fill up the car. I open my door to get out, but Kate stops me.
‘It’s nice, isn’t it?’ she remarks. ‘What Mum said to Gary.’
‘What? That she forgot Gubba’s meds?’
She smiles. ‘No. . .’
‘Oh, that she doesn’t know what she’d do without him?’ I reply. ‘Yeah, that was nice.’
She takes off her seatbelt and turns around to face me.
‘It’s that grateful feeling you get when you know there’s someone there for you, no matter what. Someone who always has your back.’
‘Yeah,’ I agree. ‘They’re lucky to have each other. Shall we go and get—’
Kate places her hand on mine. ‘That’s the way I feel about you, Ed. Grateful. I’m so bloody thankful for you– you have no idea. I mean, why would you? I’ve made such a piss-poor show of it recently—’
‘Kate, it’s all right. You don’t—’
‘I do,’ she says, softly. ‘Please, just let me finish. I know I’ve screwed things up, but I can’t lose you. . . and not because I don’t want to be alone or because I get stupidly insecure. It’s because you’re my best friend.’
‘You’re not entirely to blame for all of this, Kate,’ I admit. ‘And these past few weeks have been horrendous, but at the end of the day, we still want different things.’
She turns her body towards me and sighs. ‘Do you remember the day we came here to visit Tom for the first time?’
‘Yeah,’ I reply. ‘We brought that stupid, creepy balloon with us. Didn’t it end up floating through to your mum’s room in the middle of the night?’
