She noticed everyone’s jaws drop in surprise. ‘Obviously I didn’t buy it. Scott did. He was very successful, you know. Loaded, in fact.’
There was a collective mumble of acknowledgement.
‘But I will take my hurt and my loss and I will make my life matter again.’
No one responded, but everyone held hands just a little tighter.
‘You know, I didn’t even buy a lottery ticket,’ Tara said next. ‘To buy my imaginary island. I mean, at least buying a lottery ticket would have shown that I hoped my life might be different one day. Nobody buys one in the hope that life will remain the same, do they? After graduation, I ran from here, but I never got anywhere. Not really. It’s hard to get to where you’re going when you don’t know where that is. Over the past ten years, I’ve learned what it’s like to broken and now I need to learn what it’s like to heal.’
‘I’m going to do this sitting down,’ Beth said, lowering herself towards the sand with Becky’s help. She sat, one leg tucked under and the other stretched straight out.
‘I didn’t want a money or success or an island, I wanted a husband and two kids,’ she began. ‘Paul and I were already engaged, so that was a foregone conclusion and I thought having children would be too. Even if I’d had more or less than two, it wouldn’t have mattered. But then…’
She stopped and took a deep breath, determined to get through this.
‘Look, I know that pregnancy is entirely possible with MS,’ she said. ‘But I also know how unfair and unpredictable this disease is. Will I have enough energy to play with my kids? Will I even be able to walk them to school? Will they be left to look after me in the future if I decline? Because I could not bear that.’
She wiped her eyes on her sleeve. ‘I came here this weekend to feel normal again. To be with the people who knew me before I had any idea I was ill. The people who loved me before any of this consumed every moment of my life. I just wanted to feel like myself again. Even Aiden kept it to himself. Did you know his brother has MS?’
Tara nodded, but everyone else stayed still.
‘Well, there you go. Life is a messy, unfair little shithead to everyone. That’s all I’ve learned in the last ten years.’
As Becky sat down beside Beth, one by one they all did the same.
‘Successful author, wealthy, with someone who loves the bones of me. I think that’s what I wrote.’
Becky nodded to confirm.
‘Which I actually feel is a reasonable request,’ Alex said, ‘because even one of them alone would be enough but I got two. Success means I keep writing; money means I have a roof over my head and love means that I get to experience what’s it’s like to be adored by another human being.’
She paused, wiping the sand from her legs.
‘I don’t think I’ve ever been adored,’ she continued. ‘Not really. Not properly. And I’ve spent years dating the wrong men for the right reasons, just hoping that one day, someone will adore me, and then it happened. Finally, it happened. And the best part was, I adored them too, even if it was only for four days.’
She looked at Tara. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be,’ she replied. ‘I’m just sorry it took so long.’
A loud sniff from Becky made everyone turn.
‘You’re all killing me here,’ she managed to say, in between sobs. ‘You’re all such amazing, strong women. I’ve been listening, thinking about what I’ve learned since we were all last together and the truth is, well, nothing. My problem was that I forgot what I already knew, what I already affirmed: that I am happy, I am healthy and I am loved. All by myself. I don’t need a romantic partner to give me that.’
The sat together, appreciating how far they’d come as friends. As women. In just one weekend.
‘Actually, I did forget one thing,’ Tara said, as usual the first to break the silence. ‘And it’s been bugging me for a few minutes now. I have to ask… your kids’ names. What were they?
‘Willy and Nelly?’ Becky answered. ‘No… wait… Willy and Tilly.’
‘Billy and Hilly?’ Tara suggested. ‘Millie and Haribo?
‘William and Lily,’ Beth informed them, ‘As well you know. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if—’
‘Guys,’ Alex interrupted, ‘before you start squabbling, can I just ask one thing?’
‘Sure.’
‘Promise me we’ll keep in touch, this time. No matter what.’
As they all agreed, this time Alex thought it felt different. That this promise hit a little differently.
