Oh no! Now I have to come up with a line of equal hilarity.
I wait a couple of minutes before a notification appears again.
Kiss me if I’m wrong but dodos still exist, right? I AM SO SORRY.
I laugh. Second time today, it’s a miracle.
He messages again.
Cards on the table, this is the first and last dating site I’ll ever use. In fact, I was going to delete my account until I came across your profile.
I read it again and sigh. It’s Sam from Tinder, obviously using the same lines on every dating site. His username suddenly makes sense. Dr Loomis’s full name is Samuel Loomis. Also, on Tinder he’s forty-one, here he is forty-nine.
If you were stuck on a desert island, what three things would you bring?
I would bring the same three items I told you about an hour ago on Tinder. By the way, you’ve aged eight years in two hours.
He doesn’t reply.
Chapter 10
‘What’s wrong? Is everything OK?’
‘Nothing!’ I tell an anxious-sounding Naomi. ‘I was just calling to say hi! Why would you assume something is wrong?’
‘Because lately every call from you is a problem or a cry for help.’
I want to protest but she’s right. From the moment I saw Charlie Fox’s Instagram post, I’ve been insufferable. I’m a terrible friend.
‘Yeah, I’m sorry,’ I reply, shamefaced. ‘I’m a tad up my own arse at the moment.’
‘Forgiven,’ she replies. ‘It’s understandable. But since you asked, I’m fine, it’s all good here. We’ve just had dinner. Cottage pie. It was dreadful.’
‘Good to know. Are the boys well?’
‘They are. In fact, Michael got a gold star at school.’
‘He did?’
‘Yep, he drew a family portrait, and they hung it up on the art wall at the school entrance.’
‘Wow, that’s impressive,’ I reply. ‘Did you see it?’
‘Oh yes,’ she replies. ‘His class teacher cornered me in the playground. Michael insisted I view it, practically dragged me into the building.’
‘And?’
‘I mean, I love him so much and I’m glad he has a creative side.’
‘But?’
‘Honestly, it was terrible,’ she informs me. ‘I really had to hold in my laughter, so I didn’t hurt his feelings. And his teacher was there, I didn’t want to look like the worst mother on earth. She already thinks I’m a kook.’
‘Oh my God! What did you say to him?’
‘I was supportive! I told him it was Van Gogh level shit! Even proudly snapped a pic to show his dad. Of course, Philip was no help. Michael proudly showed him, he took one look and left the room. I could hear his muffled laughter coming from the bedroom.’
‘Aw, that’s mean,’ I reply, smirking. ‘He’s six, what do you expect? WhatsApp me the photo. I bet it’s sweet.’
