‘Pretty much,’ I reply, having no desire to get into the nuances.
‘What’s the prize?’
‘There are no winners.’
‘But you live in London,’ he says. ‘Surely there must be options that don’t involve Flirting First or jumping aboard a cruise ship?’
‘You would think,’ I reply, twirling my wine glass. ‘But no, and believe me, I’ve looked. I’ve tried everything, you’d be surprised. I even hit myself in the head with a table tennis bat!’
‘On purpose?’
I laugh. ‘No, I’m just really bad at table tennis. So, what about you?’
‘I’ve never played table tennis.’
‘You know what I mean. Wife? Kids? Family pet? Lengthy criminal history?’
‘Divorced, two kids, no pets and, well, without those witnesses they couldn’t convict. Weird how they all just disappeared.’
I grin. ‘And you’re cruising all alone. You sure it’s not you who’s looking for a little holiday fling? Once I seduce Bob, you can sweep Alice off her feet.’
‘God, no,’ he replies quickly. ‘I’m almost forty-eight and I have no desire to get involved with anyone ever again, in any capacity.’
‘Bad divorce, huh?’
He doesn’t reply. Now I feel awkward. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.’
‘It’s fine. Just not something I care to revisit over my Guinness.’
‘Yeah, of course. No problem.’
‘I have no problem detailing how I got rid of those witnesses, though,’ he states. ‘Amazing what you can do to three men with a pencil.’
‘Yeah, that’s John Wick.’
He laughs. ‘Dammit. You’re right.’
We finish our drinks and say goodnight. At least Naomi can put a line through his name as a potential love interest. Maybe Bob is the way to go after all.
Back in my room, I turn my phone on. Of course, there’s a message from Naomi linking to an article entitled ‘WhyHairsprayis the worst musical ever’. As I take off my make-up, I feel stupid for questioning Ellis about his divorce. While I might be an open book, it doesn’t mean everyone else has to be. I decide to email Alex to vent. After all, this is his fault.
To:Alex Steward
RE:Hello!
Yes, I didn’t expect me to be on a cruise either. You’re not the only one who’s unnerved by this decision.
Today I was in Sardinia at the beach, unable to speak Spanish to an elderly woman. I did buy a bracelet I didn’t want, so the seller would leave me alone. That counts as another yes, though, right?
Everyone here is nice enough, but so far, my friendship group consists of a cruise captain (not this cruise), who undoubtedly thinks I’m deranged, and my dinner companions, three married couples who like karaoke and have a mutual dislike of a girl at our table who probably dislikes them right back.
I also attended a singles’ mixer tonight where I managed to upset someone in white jeans before watching a performance of Hairspray, where Tracy Turnblad wore a fat suit, Corny Collins had a laughing fit when Edna fell over, and a surprisingly heavy kid stood on my foot on the way out. That same foot landed in my mouth when I had drinks with the captain and asked him questions about his divorce. So, all in all, would not recommend.
Anyway, while I’m happy this whole saying yes thing worked for you, I’m starting to wonder whether this cruise has been a costly mistake. While I did need a holiday, being surrounded by couples and children perhaps wasn’t the best choice in terms of finding someone. All I’m going to come home with is sunburn and an overpriced friendship bracelet.
Yours frustratedly,
Sophie
