He laughs and nods. ‘I understand. Can’t say I wouldn’t be happy to look like the fella, but sadly the name is all we share.’
‘I still don’t know who he is,’ Mum says. ‘But I bet you have him beat, hands down.’
The way they smile at each other is heartening.
‘Of course I’m not keeping an eye on you!’ I reply. ‘I was due a few days off. I decided to cruise too. In fact, I mentioned it to Naomi and she thought it would be fun.’
Initially she looks pleased, but it quickly changes to confusion. ‘But Naomi’s not with you?’
‘Nope.’
‘You’re alone? Why on earth would you do that?’ She turns to Paul. ‘Don’t you think that’s a little strange?’
His eyes dart between us. He looks uncomfortable. ‘Well, these days, I think it’s perfectly normal to—’
‘It’s fine, Mum,’ I interject. ‘You know that I’m more than capable of being alone, on a cruise or otherwise.’
‘Have you eaten?’ Paul asks, subtly trying to move away from the subject. ‘The food here is excellent. They do a beautiful seabass.’
‘I haven’t eaten,’ I reply. ‘But I’m actually having lunch with—’
‘It’s about a thirty-minute wait. At least that’s what I think he said, my Italian is rusty. We might just have to get lunch somewhere else.’
Ellis smiles amiably at the strangers in front of him. I see Mum’s eyes widen. Before he can utter another word, she goes into full interrogation mode.
‘Soapy, I thought you were alone?’ she questions, studying Ellis like she’s about to appraise him. ‘Aren’t you going to introduce us?’
Hell no. I’d rather run up those stairs again than subject Ellis to the hot mess that is my family dynamic. But I also don’t want to appear rude.
‘Ellis, this is my mum Pamela and her friend Paul. Mum, Paul, this is Ellis.’
‘Your mum?’ Ellis shakes their hands, looking puzzled. ‘What a coincidence. Do you live here in Italy or. . .’
‘We’re on a cruise!’ she replies, giddily. ‘I had no idea Soapy was here!’
Ellis grins. ‘Well, isn’t that something.’
‘So you just met on the boat?’ she enquiries. ‘Or is there something I should—’
‘No, Mum. Nothing to know. We met on board, that’s all. We’re on the same excursion today.’
I see her give Paul a side-eye. She doesn’t believe a word I’m saying.
‘Whatever you say, Soapy,’ she chirps, decanting more wine directly into that disbelieving hole in her face. ‘I’m just happy that my daughter has found a. . . friend. It’s about time.’
Oh, FUCKING HELL. I want to die. Time’s up.
‘So, amazing to see you both,’ I say. ‘We should probably get going. Don’t want the coach to leave without us.’
Ellis, obviously sensing my humiliation, nods. ‘Sure. Nice to meet you both.’
‘You too,’ Mum replies. ‘Look after my beautiful daughter now, Ellis.’
Oh, for God’s sake. ‘Bye, Mum. Paul. Enjoy your holiday.’
I’m the first to leave, with Ellis behind me, trying to keep up with my roadrunner style exit. Once we’re out of sight, I begin to slow down.
‘I swear to God, that woman. . .’
