‘Were we?’
‘Your American friend. Ellis. You two seemed ratherpally.’
‘Yeah, we got on really well.’
She leans forward. ‘Anything more?’
While the urge to launch into my usual eye-rolling is strong, this time I don’t. ‘I liked him. He’s a really great guy. We kissed.’
Her eyes widen. ‘Well, isn’t that exciting. Are you keeping in touch? Did you exchange numbers? Are you seeing him again?’
I shake my head. ‘It was a little complicated. He’s a widower. He just wasn’t ready to take anything further.’
She nods. ‘I understand. Losing someone you love. . . Once your heart is well and truly broken, it’s never quite the same again.’
She takes a beat and sighs. ‘But eventually you find that it mends enough to make room for someone new.’
‘Yeah, I get that.’
‘Bad timing,’ she says. ‘But the right one will come along, Soapy. You’ll see.’
‘And if he doesn’t?’
‘Then he doesn’t,’ she replies firmly. ‘And you’ll be absolutely fine.’
I think this is the longest chat we’ve had in months. I move over to her chair and hug her. She smells like Estée Lauder White Linen.
‘I just really liked him. It’s been a while since I liked anyone, you know?’
‘I know.’
‘I feel foolish. I’m not a kid any more.’
‘You’re not foolish,’ she replies, softly patting my back like mums do. ‘You just hoped that it might turn into something more. That doesn’t make you foolish, it makes you human.’
We hug in silence for a few seconds. I’ve missed this.
‘Are you hungry?’ she asks.
‘A little,’ I reply, my cheek resting on her shoulder.
‘I’m not sure what I have,’ she says. ‘I can maybe do you a ham sandwich. Some soup? If you’d told me that you were coming—’
‘Two texts, three calls and a voicemail. . .’
Chapter 56
It feels strange being back at the flat. I’ve spent the last week and a half surrounded by people, engrossed in conversation, a whole world going on around me that I had forgotten existed. Now I’m back to my four walls, my messy kitchen, six streaming apps and my view of Pete’s fish van.
The familiarity is comforting but it’s not enough any more. I understand what Ellis meant now, although his motives are far different to mine. I didn’t lose anyone to get here, but I’m here just the same. I too find myself wondering whether I want to continue along the same path or whether I need things to change. I think I already know the answer.
My last few days of freedom are spent productively. Not only do I clean my kitchen, I blitz my entire flat. I even buy one of those long reach dusters to deal with the cobwebs in the cupboard I’ve been ignoring. My holiday washing is dealt with immediately instead of pretending it doesn’t exist until I run out of underwear. My mother would be proud.
Monday finally rolls around and I head into work, ready to take on whatever Rupert throws my way. I even manage to drink an Americano on the way without spilling it. I am a new woman.
‘Why, Miss Smalls, is that a tan I see?’
Kieran greets me, a big smile emerging from behind his recently trimmed beard.
