‘Yes, but they are not conducive to a well-balanced diet.’
He laughs. ‘Eddie was on top form then?’
I roll my eyes. ‘He’s relentless. I was tempted to eat them all out of spite. Let’s just hope he’s less tiresome on launch night.’
I arrive before Alex and take a table near the door. It’s just before 4 p.m. and although the café is busy, it’s relatively quiet given that most tables are taken up by sombre-looking laptop users.
Alex arrives ten minutes later, his eyes darting around until he spots me. Wearing running gear and Beats headphones around his neck, he smiles and takes the chair opposite me.
‘Am I late?’ he asks, a tad out of breath. ‘I’ve just run over from Spitalfields. My last client decided to tell me about his recent divorce before I eventually just legged it.’
Alex is around five foot ten, with red hair in a man bun and a small, flat mole under his left eye. I can tell that he works out but it’s not like sitting across from the Rock.
‘No, I’m early,’ I reply. ‘My meeting finished sooner than I thought.’
‘You work nearby?’
I nod. ‘Near the university. About a ten-minute walk.’
He orders himself an Americano and a latte for me, complete with what I assume was supposed to be a leaf decoration on top but looks more like that time a seagull shat on Naomi’s schoolbag in year ten.
‘Thanks for coming,’ he says, shaking a little sugar packet. ‘If you intend on killing me, can you at least wait until I’ve had this?’
‘My hitman does not do requests unfortunately,’ I reply. ‘But, seriously, it’s fine. I’ll just never follow any of your advice again.’
‘I take it there’s been no word from your captain guy?’ he asks.
‘We didn’t exchange numbers,’ I reply. ‘In fact, throughout all of this, I did not receive one new mobile number from an eligible man. How sad.’
‘That’s bizarre to me,’ he says. ‘If you don’t mind me saying, you’re an attractive, funny, professional woman.’
‘I do not mind.’
‘And as much as I’m sorry that your cruise didn’t go as planned, I have enjoyed your emails.’
I laugh. ‘A lesser man would have blocked me. But likewise, I’ve enjoyed them too. At least your plan came to fruition! You got the girl! It was motivating. You’re the only reason I decided to take this challenge on.’
He purses his lips and looks down at his coffee cup. ‘So. . . I haven’t exactly been entirely honest.’
‘About what?’
He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. ‘The article. I might have embellished just a smidgen.’
I stop sipping my coffee. ‘Embellished how?’
‘Oh, you know. . . here and there.’
I stare in disbelief. ‘You’re kidding? Please tell me it wasn’t all bullshit!’
‘No, not all of it!’ he insists. ‘Like, I did do the activities I mentioned, and I was dumped by the iPhone girl. But Corrine. There is no Corrine. There never was.’
‘You made up a girlfriend?’
He nods. ‘I’d never have had the article published without it. How I went through all of this, and not a bloody thing changed. How I’m just as single as I was when I started.’
I’m stunned. I warn my mother not to believe everything she reads online and now here I am doing exactly that. Thank God he didn’t tell me to find the love of my life by jumping into a bear pit. I’d either be dead or singing a rendition ofThe Bare Necessitiesto my new furry friends.
‘I wasn’t trying to deceive anyone,’ he asserts, swirling a spoon around in his coffee. ‘But I’d pitched four previous articles, and this idea was the only one they were interested in. So I zhuzhed it up a little. Gave it a happy ending. I didn’t expect anyone to actually follow the plan, it was more—’
