I needed to get to him.
*
In the end, I chanced on a black cab and because traffic was so light, we crossed the park from South Kensington to Marble Arch without stopping once. Minutes later I was being dropped off outside casualty at St Mary’s in Paddington.
Ordinarily, I would have felt a fool hauling arse in a ball gown down a lino-lined hospital corridor, but I didn’t care how ridiculous I looked.
After a breathless conversation at reception, I found out that Simon had been taken to a private room, that he was resting, but that I could visit for a few minutes. It took me a while to find the private wing and then Simon’s room.
I paused at the door before entering. What would I find inside?
Simon looked asleep; his chest was rising and falling rhythmically. He looked paler than usual, but otherwise okay. I crept towards him, scared to wake him, but also scared that he might never wake. No one had told me anything about his prognosis – would he have long-term effects?
A wooden chair with a padded seat was backed up against the wall, under theTV. I picked it up and placed it close to the bed, so I could see him properly. Was I his first visitor?
I sat down, arranging the folds of my dress onto the chair.
‘Si?’
He didn’t stir, but then, I’d barely whispered.
I reached to touch his hand. It was cool but clammy.
I cleared my throat and tried again. ‘Simon?’
I squeezed his hand and his eyes fluttered open.
The relief was overwhelming. If I hadn’t been sitting, my knees would have buckled.
It took him a moment to see me, but then he parted his cracked lips and smiled.
‘Frixie.’ His voice was a coarse whisper. ‘You came.’
‘Of course I came, Si.’
He looked down at my ball gown. ‘Nice dress.’
‘Thought I’d make the effort.’
‘You look great.’
‘You look bloody awful.’ I laughed nervously.
He smiled wanly. ‘I’ve been a fool.’
‘What happened, Si?’
‘They pumped my stomach.’ He winced. ‘Not fun.’
‘How did you get into such a state?’
‘I don’t remember much. A few beers, some wine and then Jess suggested some pills. They asked me when I got here, but I didn’t know what they were. How fucking stupid did I feel?’
‘Don’t think about it. The only thing that matters is that you’re okay now.’
‘Don’t pity me, Frixie, I couldn’t bear it. They even sent a shrink who asked if I was depressed and hadOD’d on purpose.’
He started to cough. I got up and poured him some water from a jug by the side of his bed.
