‘All that sun, sea, and … not even alittleaction?’
I can’t keep my expression passive, and she sees it immediately.
‘Fudge!’ she exclaims, snagging the waitress’s attention. Vandi has a revolving selection of words she uses to avoid the F-word – frig, frick, feck, and fudge. The waitress, however, doesn’t know this.
‘Would you like fudge?’ she asks. ‘We have some in the back.’
Vandi grins. ‘That would be great, thanks!’ She looks back at me. ‘I need something to nibble on while you dish, although please feel free to start before it arrives.’
‘We got caught in an electrical storm and ended up taking shelter in a shed away from the main house.’
‘And did things getcharged?’
I nod.
‘Was therenudity?’
‘A little.’
She puts her hands together like she’s praying. ‘Please, for the love of all that is holy, tell me one or both of you got off.’
I shake my head. ‘Afraid not. We got interrupted, which was probably a good thing.’
‘Why?’
‘I can’t be another notch in his bed-post – I couldn’t handle that right now. I’m too raw from the break-up.’
‘I used to think that about Oliver. I know he’s got a girlfriend, but I also know he plays away. And I hate that it makes himmoreattractive.’
‘I know.’
‘We should just embrace it and enjoy a Bad Boy Summer.’
I shake my head. ‘Just, hold on to your heart, Vand, yeah? Don’t let him break it.’
‘Don’t worry, I can keep my feet on the ground.’
‘Good,’ I tell her. What I don’t add is that I’m not sure I believe her.
Vandi gets the fudge to go, and we leave. I’m almost at the tube when she comes running back to me.
‘I forgot the most important question,’ she says, out of breath. ‘Are you in a position to confirm or deny that thing Courtney-with-a-C said?’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ I tell her, smiling.
I turn and resume walking.
‘Yes, you feckin’ do!’ she shouts after me. ‘Because you’ve never let me live it down!’
When we were fourteen, a girl in the year above us, Courtney-with-a-C, told Vandi that Mark was fat and that she knew this because she’d seen him naked when they’d done the deed at Kourtney-with-a-K’s party.
‘It’s weird, isn’t it?’ Vandi had said. ‘He doesn’tlookfat. If anything he looks a bit skinny.’
‘Yeah,’ I agreed. ‘Maybe he wears flattering clothes or something?’ We had recently read an article about avoiding horizontal stripes and we’d cleared Top Shop out of all its vertical-striped clothes. Although, I didn’t recall ever seeing Mark in a stripy outfit.
‘Yeah, that’s what I thought,’ she replied. ‘What other explanation could there be?’
‘Are you sure she said fat? That was her exact word?’
