I’m not a lovelorn schoolgirl.
I went round to Vandi’s earlier and told her everything that had happened with Mark. Or mostly everything. I stuck to facts rather than feelings.
‘Way to get back on the horse after dickhead Rich,’ she’d said in a high-five voice. ‘And, talking of horses …’
‘Smooth, Vand, smooth.’
‘Well? And don’t give me that “size isn’t everything” rubbish.’
‘The answer is yes. But please don’t ask me for more details.’
‘I don’t need to. Following on from the answer to my first question, I will assume that a very good time was had by all.’
She chinked her wineglass with mine.
‘How are things with The Doll?’
‘I took your advice and we sat down and talked.’
‘Great.’
‘He’s still moving in with his girlfriend because he hasn’t told her about me, and we’ve agreed to be “buddies” until he leaves.’
‘Fuck buddies?’
‘I think me doing quotation marks implied that.’
‘When’s he leaving?’
‘A couple of weeks.’
‘And you’re okay stopping after that?’
She frowned. ‘Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? I’m not in love with him. We said we’d have a bad boy summer, and well, summer will be over soon, won’t it?’
I nodded and plastered a smile on my face because I didn’t trust myself to speak. I was sure that out of the two of us, itwould be Vandi who wouldn’t be able to separate feelings from sex.
In a moment of uncomfortable clarity, I realised I didn’t know myself at all.
It’s Wednesday, and today’s song is another Backstreet Boys’ classic: ‘Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely’.
I must be on a much more even keel because AJ’s vocals make me a bit tearful at the best of times, but so far I haven’t had a single lip-wobble.
Clive’s coming for a session by himself. The break-up with Chantelle has hit him hard, but it’s giving him a lot of insight into himself. That’s the thing about reaching rock bottom. It hurts like hell, but it gives you something solid to build on.
‘Did you have a nice break in Cyprus?’ he asks.
‘Yes, it was lovely, thank you.’
‘That’s a grand tan you’ve got there, Nella. I’m a natural redhead, which is why I keep my hair so short, and I burn if I sit near a bulb that’s too bright.’
I smile. ‘You don’t look particularly pale.’
He taps his nose. ‘Fake tan. A habit I picked up from Chantelle. It’s changed my life.’
Lots of patients arrive and dive straight into the session, which is completely normal and their right, but Clive always takes a few minutes to ask questions and connect with me. I feel bad about the old nickname we had for him. He’s a lovely guy with an enormous heart, even if he doesn’t always make the best decisions in his personal life. But then, who does?
‘I’m thinking of jacking it all in,’ he blurts out.
