Theo looks mortified, but Tig is pink from laughing.
‘Anyway, back to this panicked phone call. “Mark, I don’t know what to do, a patient’s just arrived at the surgery with something stuck inside a certain part of his body.” You’ll never guess where. Oh, I can see Yan’s already guessed. Maybe don’t translate the next part for youryiayia.
‘The patient was perplexed however, because the thing he’d got stuck was a well-known lubricant.’ Mark reaches under the table again. ‘Well, Tig and Theo, I managed to track down the very thing that caused Theo so much anxiety all those years ago.’He produces a can of WD-40. ‘Don’t worry, I gave it a quick wipe.’
Everyone laughs although Theo’s parents look rather alarmed. I hear Theo’s dad ask mine, ‘Did he manage to get the little straw thing out, too?’
Once the laughing has subsided, Mark warns us he’s going to get serious now.
‘I had the very good fortune to grow up knowing the Praxitelis family. Life wasn’t always rosy in the Marino household, but Sophia and Vasilis were a tower of strength for Mum, my brother and me.’ He turns to Theo. ‘You couldn’t have designed better in-laws: they’re kind, warm and generous and they will move heaven and earth for their family. Count your blessings that you’re included in that special club, too. Treat them well … or I’ll be having words with you.’
Mark’s words bring a lump to my throat. Does Theo know what Dad did for Mark all those years ago? Somehow, I doubt it.
Mark goes to sit down, before reaching into his breast pocket: ‘Sorry, I’ve got a note here from cousin Stav who wanted me to add: never trust Yan when he promises you free booze. I’ve no idea what he means, but consider yourself warned, Theo.’
‘Great speech,’ I tell Mark a little later, perched on a chair next to his.
‘I’m just pleased it’s over.’
‘It was both funny and moving – especially what you said about Mum and Dad.’
He nods. ‘I meant every word.’
I give his shoulder a squeeze.
‘I can’t believe you said that thing about threesomes to Theo, earlier.’
He grins. ‘What can I say? You inspire me. And I get such a kick out of our in-jokes.’ He looks thoughtful for a moment. ‘I’m gonna miss that.’
I swallow. ‘I’m gonna miss that, too.’
Neither of us says anything because what else is there to say?
‘Let’s not dwell. We’re here to celebrate.’ I attempt a sunny smile. ‘And right now, I need more details about this dirty calendar.’
He pauses as if he’s not sure he wants to go along with my forced jollity.
‘What do you want to know?’
‘How come Theo was asked to sit for a tasteful nude portrait when all this’ – I wave my hand up and down his torso – ‘was criminally overlooked?’
He smiles. ‘It wasn’t overlooked, sweetheart. I was Mr December.’
I’m about to inquire whether he has a copy ofthatI could see, when Tig’s voice behind us startles me.
‘Guys?’
I turn round. ‘Everything okay?’
‘There’s been a change of plan for the first dance.’
Mark and I exchange alarmed looks. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I can’t ask him to dance to a random salsa song that means nothing to him. Plus, he’s been pooing his pants about the choreography.’
You don’t know the half of it, I want to tell her.
‘So what’s the new plan?’ asks Mark.
