I stand, about to make my excuses to leave, when Kiki grabs my hand.
‘A coffee would be lovely, my love. Just a touch of sugar.’
I smile and nod, because however insulting it is that she assumes only female members of this party can make coffee, it’s preferable to sitting here.
As I leave, Tig walks in and immediately makes Mark swap places with Theo so the two of them can sit together. Theo introduces her and after Kiki asks a perfunctory question about the wedding, Tig goes off on one about ivory versus ecru chair skirts, and I suppress a mean-spirited smile, knowing Kiki’s about to be subjected to a long and tedious diatribe.
I’m bringing the Greek coffee to the boil when Mark joins me in the kitchen.
‘Damn, you aresaltywhen you don’t get to come.’
‘I was being perfectly polite.’
‘Yeah, but you also told her exactly how you felt. You usually say the things people want to hear, always putting their feelings ahead of yours. Didn’t it feel good to speak honestly?’
I’m taken aback by his observation. His therapist must be good.
‘There’s plenty I didn’t say.’
He nods. ‘I know you had zero warning, but thanks for meeting her.’ He pauses, and his expression changes. ‘I can’t let her get the bus back to Limassol. I’m going to drive her.’ He pauses. ‘Want to come, too?’
‘It’ll be just the two of us on the way back.’
He doesn’t reply, just holds my eye.
Oh.Oh.
I take a step away, to give my willpower a fighting chance to do its thing, then glance over my shoulder to make sure no one’s listening.
‘It’s a very tempting offer, and part of me would like nothing better than for you to pound me into oblivion in the back of your car, but … we can’t, okay.’
He pinches the bridge of his nose. ‘I’m hard. Again. And Ijusttook care of it.’
‘Sorry, was it the word “oblivion”?’
‘More the word “pound”.’
I’ve inadvertently painted quite a picture.
I shake myself. ‘We got caught up in the heat of the moment – which seems to be a pattern with us in sheds – but Leo’s godmother turned up. How can that not be sign?’
‘She’s my mum’s cousin, which also makes hermyaunt. She came to seeme.’
‘Yes, but she wanted to meetme. And she talked about Leo the whole time, about how we were meant to be together until cruel fate intervened. That’s the story Mum and Anthi used to endlessly repeat and I’m sick of it.’ I stop to take a breath, the strength of my feelings catching me off-guard. ‘You want honesty? You want to know how much of a bitch I was? How about this: I only went out with him because I felt sorry for him.’
I brace myself for his reaction.
He frowns. ‘That’s your deep, dark secret? You literally put his feelings ahead of your own, and you think I’m going tohateyoufor it?’ He pauses. ‘That’s the missing puzzle piece, it explains why you did what you did. I knew you weren’t secretly in love with me – I was just a warm body at your service.’
I cringe. ‘That makes me sound awful.’
‘Hey, I wasn’t complaining.’
‘I should have had the guts to be honest with him, but instead I ruined his life.’
‘It’s been fifteen years, Nella,’ he says softly. ‘Haven’t you beaten yourself up enough?’
‘Fifteen years of it festering, of living with the guilt, of not being able to tell him sorry. Icheatedon him, for God’s sake. Nella Praxitelis, the big fucking expert on infidelity, and what was my first experience of it? Cheating on someone who didn’t deserve it.’
