‘Did you hear what we said? You’re not needed.’ Miranda was so rude it made me want to hide under the table.
But she continued to hover by the table. Just as she had when she’d asked Charles to take Avril hunting, she appeared to be gathering the courage to speak.
‘This is awkward, but… try to stay away from my mum, okay? You know this is a difficult time of year for her. For both of us. I don’t want her to get upset.’
‘For goodness’ sake.’ Miranda handed Morag her menu. ‘What if we need to go to the bar?’
‘Maybe you could send Patrick again.’
Miranda tutted, and something must have snapped inMorag, because she hissed, ‘I really don’t think you want to rattle any cages, Miranda.’
‘What does that mean?’ Miranda asked, but Morag was already walking away.
‘What was all that about?’ Miranda asked the table.
‘No idea,’ said Lewis. ‘Maybe it was something to do with you being an impolite cow.’
‘Please, you two. Can you stop?’ Holly sounded like she was on the verge of tears, caused by the strain of being around her siblings. She took a deep breath and addressed Jasmine. ‘What was it you wanted to tell us?’
Frustratingly, Jasmine hesitated. ‘Maybe I should wait until Charles gets back later.’
‘Oh, come on,’ Miranda said. ‘You can’t give us all this build-up and then not deliver.’
‘Yes,’ Lewis said. ‘Don’t be a prick tease. The prick in this case being Miranda.’
Miranda picked up her fork and said, ‘Do you want me to stick this in your balls? Oh, wait, you don’t have any.’
‘More than your husband has.’
I couldn’t face witnessing another huge row so I started saying something about how excited I was to be celebrating Hogmanay in Scotland.
I only got halfway through the sentence before Jasmine spoke over me, dropping the first of her bombshells.
‘Charles and I are already married.’
Silence fell over the table. The three siblings stared at Jasmine as if they couldn’t quite believe what she’d said.
‘We decided we didn’t want to wait so we flew to Vegas last week. Christmas Eve. Got married in a chapel and then flew back to Miami. We were going to tell you tonight. A New Year’s Eve surprise.’
Jasmine had a defiant look on her face and I could feel there was more coming. I didn’t have to wait long.
‘The reason we didn’t want to wait is that we’re planning to start a family straight away. Charles might be fit, but he’s not getting any younger, and I’ve always wanted kids, so…’
‘But you can’t,’ Miranda said.
Jasmine’s voice was calm. Cool. ‘I assume you’re referring to your dad’s vasectomy. He’s already made an appointment to get it reversed in January. Then we’re going to start trying right away.’ She smiled sweetly. ‘I just cannot wait to be a mom.’
16
‘She’s lying,’ Miranda said. ‘You’re lying, right? She has to be lying. Lewis, tell me she’s lying.’
‘I don’t think she is,’ I said.
‘I’m going to start hyperventilating,’ Miranda said.
Holly waved Morag, who was hovering nearby, over. ‘She needs a whisky, asap,’ Holly said.
Morag eyed Miranda, who had her arms wrapped around herself, face screwed up with pain. ‘Everything okay? Has somebody died?’
