She nodded slowly. I could see that she was torn. She wanted her dad to be happy. She loved him. And, apart from her anger-and-grief-driven outburst a minute ago, being at odds with him caused her enormous pain.
‘You should have told me,’ she said. ‘It’s the secrecy… You don’t need to keep things from me.’
‘I know, Mirrie.’ It was the first time I’d heard him call her this. ‘I’m sorry.’
He pulled her into a hug, patting her back and making soothing noises. When they broke apart, she had tears in her eyes, and she grabbed a sheet of kitchen roll, blowing her nose. And then, before my eyes, she changed. Pulled herself up to her full height, stood straight.
‘Well, I still think it’s sick,’ Holly said. ‘And when Jasmine finds out how you found her, you’re going to get a shock.’
Charles tried to interrupt her, but she went on. ‘It’s not just that. Itisdisrespectful to Mum’s memory. I don’t get how you can look at Jasmine and not just see the wife you lost, knowing it’s not her.’
‘Oh, as if you cared,’ Miranda said.
Now, Holly got to her feet. ‘What?’
‘You never cared about Mum, not really. That Hogmanay, when she was dying, you were too busy sneaking off to see that boyfriend of yours. You and Lewis, hanging out with Jimmy and Morag. I was here, looking after her. Me and Dad.’ She was standing beside Charles now, and he reached out to take her hand.
‘That’s a lie!’ Holly’s voice went up an octave, almost shrieking with outrage.
‘No, it isn’t. You and Lewis went out drinking and doing drugs while I sat by our mother’s bedside, reading to her, talking to her. As soon as she was dead, you disappeared. You fucked off to Asia to shag God knows how many men, to do God knows how many drugs, working in a titty bar—’
‘It wasn’t a titty bar!’
‘While I was left here to try to keep the family together. To help Dad through his grief.’
‘I ran away because I was hurting. I was so young, Miranda. I tried, I really fucking tried. Don’t you remember? I revised for my A-levels. But when I sat down to take that first exam, it was like…’ She groped for the words. ‘It was like I was staring into the void. I needed to get away. Running was the only thing I could do.’
‘All the way to Thailand without even a goodbye.’
‘I was having a breakdown, Miranda!’
‘Huh. Do you think it was easier for me? I wasn’t much older. Lewis was no use. He was in his own world, writing poems about his grief. Meanwhile, I was the one who had to look after Dad. The one who stayed at home, keeping my promise to Mum to ensure the whole family didn’t fall apart. It’s me who’s always ensured we have these get-togethers and aren’t strangers. And that’s what I’m doing now. Mum told me Dad would meet someone else one day. Maybe she’d actually be happy that his new wife looks so much like her.’
‘What?’ Holly was outraged. ‘You hate Jasmine! You’re the one who accused her of being a gold-digger. You didn’t do anything when Lewis told you he was planning to kill her.’
‘No!’ She took a threatening step towards Holly. ‘That’s a lie. Your stupid boyfriend misheard or is making it all up.’
‘I’m not making it up.’
‘Enough!’ Charles roared it. ‘All of you, shut up.’
Both women went quiet. Again, it was like they were children.
‘Your brother is dead.’ Charles lowered the volume a notch. ‘And my wife is missing. Every minute that passes, with the police doing nothing to find her, she’s in more danger of being myseconddead wife.’
Everyone, including me, stared at him.
‘I can’t sit around here with my thumb up my arse,’ Charles said. ‘I’m going to look for her.’
25
Holly, Miranda and Zack followed Charles in finding their coats, but when I went to do the same, Holly stopped me. ‘That doctor told me to ensure you stay warm. You shouldn’t be going out in the cold.’
‘I feel fine. I want to help.’
‘I think you’ve done—’ She broke off.
‘What were going to say? That I’ve done enough?’
