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My heart swells.
This is exactly how Tina and I joke. We can’t seem to stop. The both of us fight hilariously to get the last word in and usually take a huge detour from what we started talking about. I can’t seem to remove the idiotic smile on my face, but am slightly appeased when I see Cole wearing an identical idiotic smile.
God, we’re dorks!
Still smiling, I ask, “Where were we?”
Cole squints and looks up as if thinking, then flips me fast as lightning onto my back. He lowers his face and kisses me slowly and meaningfully. He lifts his face, his expression serious. “I know sex is out of the question tonight. I wouldn’t even ask for it, babe. But there is something I want to do so badly that I think I might just die if you don’t let me. ”
My stomach flips.
My serious expression matches his. “What exactly would that be?” I ask cautiously.
He kisses me again. Against my lips he murmurs, “I want to taste you. ”
My stomach drops. Right out of my vagina.
With wide eyes, I choke out, “Okay. ”
What the fecking feck?
I mentally argue with myself.
Good me: I just agreed to let Cole do that? We don’t even know each other!
Horny me: Oh, shut your pie hole! A super hottie hot guy wants to give you some serious pleasure! What’s the problem?
Good me: Hmmm. I’m not sure, brain. Hold on. It’ll come to me. Nope. No problem!
Toot toot!
Horny me: Hooray! We miss this!
Oh, we totally did. I haven’t been with anyone since Ghost. That was an age ago. It led to me believing I was pregnant with Ghost’s child, setting up a doctor’s appointment and finding out I have PCOS which is the abbreviated term for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. It basically means I have cysts on my ovaries and uterus. My period was always irregular and I only went on the pill two years ago to regulate it. Even after a year of taking the pill my period didn’t normalize. I would only get spotting once every five to six months. Which I thought was awesome.
I mean, c’mon! Who likes getting their period?
Not me!
The doctor ordered an ultrasound. I was expecting to hear a heartbeat. Not Umm’s and Ahh’s.
When I saw the look on the doctor’s face, I knew it wasn’t good news. He talked a bit about PCOS and then explained to me the reason I wasn’t getting my periods was because I have cysts on top on cysts on my ovaries. My ovaries are so badly damaged and covered in scar tissue it’s very likely I won’t ever have my own children, and on the off chance I got pregnant, there would be no guarantee I’d carry full-term. The kind doctor took my hands in his, and as gently as possible told me I am a candidate for a hysterectomy. That was the point I broke down.
Tina once offered to be a surrogate for me. I love her for that, but until I find someone I’m serious about, it’s not something I’ll even think about.
I try not to get my hopes up about the children thing, but it’s something I’ve wanted since I was a little girl. I’d already planned my family and it would consist of me, a not-yet-named daddy, two sweet girls and one naughty boy. And two seriously ugly-cute pug dogs named Pizza and Donut.
That’s my family.
At least, it was.
Tina, Mimi and Lola all know about this. What they don’t know is just how seriously it cut me. And it cut me deep. The blade ran right through the heart, down my sternum and twisted in my gut. Although you can’t die from pain, this particular brand of pain makes you feel like you’re dying a very slow, tortured and excruciating death. My chest still aches when I think about it.
Cole brings me back to reality. “Panties off, sunshine. ” He reaches under my long skirt and runs his hands up my legs, takes hold of my panties and lowers them. I know I haven’t waxed, but if it’s what he wants, who am I to deny him?
He leaves a trail of wet kisses up my leg and whispers against my inner thigh. “I’m gonna rock your world, sunshine. ” He runs his nose gently up my folds and breathes me in.
Pure sex.
