Because if this becomes real again I don’t know if I can survive watching it fall apart a second time.
Rowan turns toward the boat, grabs it, and starts dragging it toward the dock. I watch him for a second, my chest tight in a way I don’t want to examine.
I don’t swim back immediately.
I need a breath. A moment.
Because we were just in this strange, careful place where things worked again. And then he kissed me.
And I kissed him back.
Not because of the retreat.
Not for Chad or the partners or the act we’ve been maintaining.
I kissed him because I wanted to.
For one second, everything felt easy again, and I forgot that I break things when I get too close.
I finally force myself to swim back, heart pounding in a way that has nothing to do with the cold.
Because I know this can’t stay safe.
Not if I’m part of it.
I climb out of the lake with all the dignity of wet laundry. My clothes cling to my body, outlining every place I don’t want anyone to look at. My tank top is nearly transparent, and my hair is plastered to my head in a way that isn’t ideal.
Rowan’s already on the dock. His shirt is a ruined pile beside him. His chest is bare. His skin is flushed from the sun and the cold water, and his hair drips onto his shoulders.
He looks at me.
Really looks.
And something in his expression tightens—something dark and hungry.
Then he blinks, and the look is gone.
He extends a hand.
I take it.
Our fingers lock together.
“Back to the house!” Chad calls from the dock. “Dry clothes and debrief in twenty!”
I step off the dock. My shoes squelch. Water drips down my legs.
Rowan walks quietly behind me. I can feel his energy without turning around, and that’s the problem. I shouldn’t be able to feel him like this anymore.
By the time we hit the path, the silence between us is so thick I almost choke on it. I slow just enough to sense him closer at my back, his presence warm despite the cold water still clinging to us.
“Say it,” I mutter.
“Say what?” His voice is too calm.
“That you planned to drown me.”
“No, not today. I was simply helping you out,” he says. “You looked overheated. I addressed the issue.”
