She wanted to believe him. Even worse, she did. She heard the truth in the roughness of his voice, sensed it in the careful space he kept between them, remembered it in every tender moment since his first disastrous proposal.
But the reason for his proposal was not the only thing holding her back. If he meant to ask for her future, then he needed to understand exactly whom he was choosing.
Beyond the window, clouds moved slowly across the moon, throwing the lawn in and out of shadow. Kate watched the shifting light and gathered the courage to make herself fully known. She took a deep, steadying breath. “I enjoy balls, inviting guests for dinner and conversing with friends. I love house parties and rides in Hyde Park and attending the opera and would dearly love to visit Vauxhall Gardens someday.”
That much was easy to admit. The rest required more courage. “But the part of me I show society—the proper one—is only one part of me. This work matters to me. So does thepurpose it gives me. I love helping to bring evil men to justice and keeping people safe. And I have no plans to stop, even if I marry someday. I won’t become a smaller version of myself just because that is what society asks or expects of me.”
Her fingers touched the cool glass. “If you ask me for forever, James, then you are asking for all of me. Raven included.”
James’s hands settled on her shoulders, strong but gentle. At his touch, she turned to face him. Determination blazed in his eyes, clear even in the moonlight, asking her to stay, to listen. Kate could not refuse him.
“It appears I have made a muddle of things, but allow me to set this entire matter to rights.” He took her hands in his, his grip steady and sure. “I have no wish to marry only the proper part of you society approves of.”
The words struck exactly where her fear had lived, but he was not finished. “I do not want a quiet wife. I do not want a smaller version of you. I want the woman who argues with me, deciphers what no one else can, and runs toward danger when every rule says she should stay safely behind. Your intelligence, your love of adventure, your courage—these are not traits to be ashamed of or hidden away, whatever society may say. They are some of the qualities I lovemostabout you.” His words settled somewhere deep, precious and undeniable. Behind him, the fire gave a low pop, startlingly ordinary against the force of what he had just offered her.
He cradled her face as though he could not quite believe she was there. “My wonderful, beautiful, darling Kate.” Tears slipped free, and he brushed them away.
“I will be afraid every time you put yourself in danger,” he said. “I will hate it. I may even handle it poorly at first. But I will not forge a cage for you built from my fear. I will stand beside you, not in front of you, unless you ask me to. I know exactly what this life costs. I’ve lived it. And I still choose you.”
She felt weightless with the joy of being so completely understood. She leaned into him, her palms resting against his chest as she hid her face against his shoulder, unable to keep her distance any longer.
“I know I originally offered you a loveless bargain,” he murmured against her hair, “but it took me very little time to realize what a wretched fool I was.”
Her breath caught, hope and fear colliding. He cradled the back of her head, his fingers tightening in her hair as though he were afraid she might vanish.
“Kate, heaven help me, but I love you. I have been falling for you since you interrupted my proposal.” He rested his forehead on hers. “It seems the fox was caught in your snare from the beginning.”
A small laugh escaped her lips.
“Every moment I have spent with you since has only made me more certain. A partnership in Westmarch’s service is not enough, though I want that too. Nor is a marriage of convenience. I want more.” He lowered his head until he was only a breath away.
“I want all of it, and I want it with you.” Then he waited.
One last fear surfaced before she could silence it. “What if that changes, James? What if months or years from now, the secrets are no longer thrilling, and you tire of ink stains and messy poetry books and a wife who chases danger into the dark? What if—”
He stopped her with a searing kiss that left her breathless and shaking. “Then I shall remember that I was never in love with peace. I was in love with you,” he said without hesitation. “Only you, Kate. In danger, in peace, in whatever life we make together. Only and forever you.”
The certainty in his answer steadied her, and any lingering doubts fell away. “I have seen the side of you that you showthe world and the one you reserve for the shadows, James, but I love the man behind them all. Your loyalty, your intelligence, your goodness—these are the reasons I have failed so miserably at guarding my heart against you.”
She encircled his waist with her arms. “There is no one else I would trust with it. It is yours, James. Wholly and irrevocably yours.”
His mouth claimed hers, this time in a crushing kiss that laid to rest any lingering doubts. James pulled her toward him, erasing every last inch between them. Heat sparked everywhere they touched as her heart now beat in time with his.
Moonlight danced around them as his fingers splayed in her hair. He angled his head, deepening the kiss. His every touch stole her breath, and she had no wish to reclaim it. She ran her hands up his chest and around his neck, holding him close as the room fell away. There was only James and the breathless reality of his mouth on hers.
James pulled back just enough to see her face, but Kate could feel his breath, as unsteady as her own, on her lips. The light had burned lower, leaving the room softer around them.
“Kate, I am aware that we agreed on five weeks before deciding our future, but I am begging you, please. I cannot wait that long.” He wrapped his arms around her, devotion in his touch and urgency in his tone.
“I tried to ask for your hand once because I thought marriage could restore my place in the world. I was wrong. You have become the light I keep finding, even in the shadows. I do not want to marry you because our families expect it or because Westmarch required it. I want to marry you because we choose it. Not for the world, not for Westmarch, but for us.”
“So I am asking again,” he said, a faint smile touching his mouth, “and this time, I am determined to finish. Will you marryme, Kate? Will you share my fate and freely choose a life of adventure with me?”
The sun was not shining, and there were no summer flowers, yet this midnight proposal was the only one that truly mattered. Here in the shadows, she was finally seen and chosen for all she was. “I love you, James, and yes, I will marry you.”
The world expected them to marry eventually. Their families had planned it for years. But this moment was different. This choice was theirs alone.
“I love you with all that I am, Kate. Once, I would have rushed you to the altar for all the wrong reasons. But now, I want to marry you for the only reason that matters. I will give you all the time you require. I won’t ask for haste unless it is your wish, too.”
