“What? What’s wrong?”
“We need to go to the hospital.”
“Holy shit,” he breathed, and stood up without a moment’s hesitation. “Come on.”
CHAPTER 36
SINCE NEW YORK, MAYBE
A few hours later, I was checked into Labor and Delivery, an infusion of magnesium and two other medications I couldn’t pronounce working through me as my blood pressure and urine were being constantly monitored and tested. Preeclampsia. I’d heard of it, of course, and my ob-gyn had told me symptoms to look out for at my last appointment, but it was still a horrible surprise.
For the baby’s part, she was as active as ever, kicking and wiggling, apparently none the wiser of her mother’s distress. Her father’s too.
Barry’s knee bounced as he sat in the chair by my hospital bed, eyes darting around the room as we waited for a nurse to come back in to check on me again. He’d kept his cool getting me here, not his usual calm and collected self, but still Barry. Although he did snap at a man at reception who asked if he was Barry Wright that this was reallynot the time, man.
“Here.” I held out my hand to Barry to pull him out of what I imagined was a torrent of panicked thoughts. He put his hand in mine, and I pulled it toward my stomach, pushing it to feel where the little human we made was practically dancing on my bladder. “She’s okay.”
Barry closed his eyes and held his hand there beneath mine, his thumb tapping a gentle rhythm against my skin.
“And what about you?”
“What about me?”
He looked all over my face, as if quickly scanning me forinjury. The doctor said it was serious but common. It’s not like we were without hope here; they told us that likely I’d either have to deliver the baby today and she’d potentially have to go to the NICU for a short time, or they’d want to closely monitor me to let the baby cook for even just a few more days. I was already thirty-seven weeks, so they thought we’d both be in good shape to deliver, but they wanted to wait to hear from the doctor. The headache was already practically gone with the infusions and drip they had me hooked up to.
For as anxious as I’d been about many things through this pregnancy, I felt confident in this. It was stressful thinking that we’d be bringing her home earlier than we planned, but we were ready. I was ready.
“Your body’s under a ton of stress—womendiefrom this.”
“Yeah, but we caught it. It’s okay, it’ll be okay, look where we are. These people are great, they’re going to help us figure it out.”
He let out a sound almost like a whine and scooted the chair closer to me.
“Maybe we should ask to just deliver, no? If she has to be in the NICU, at least we know you’ll be okay too.”
“Doesn’t really seem like something we should just request, and it sounds like I’ll be okay even if I have to sit here for a few days or a week.” Also, I didn’t mention, we still had to move all our stuff from Barry’s apartment back to the house. I was out of commission from helping at this point, but any extra days we could get would only be a good thing for probably all of us.
Barry looked distressed at the idea. “Anything can happen in a week—I have three games in the next week, and they’ll let me miss a couple days, sure, but what if I’m gone and something happens to you?”
“I was going to give birth during the season anyway,” I reminded him.
“Yes, during the break. I could be here for you, I already told them I’m not doing All-Stars this year. What if?—”
“Barry…” I put my hand on his cheek, trying to draw him back from this spiral he was going down. The All-Stars information was news to me, but I wasn’t going to press him on it now. “We’re going to be okay. The baby’s going to be okay.”
“You don’t get it, I—” He cut off and shook his head.
I was trying to get it, this anxiety he had about something going awry this late in the game. I felt it too. In general, I was unsure about a lot of things—it was kind of my standard operating procedure, my default setting—but in this moment, I was very certain that this was going to work out. I felt assured that even if the baby had to come out today, she was going to do great in the outside world. She was kicking around so much I thought she was eager, even. We’d been preparing the house and all the things for her, and I’d been preparing too.
“Of course I want our baby to be good, ofcourse, more than anything. But I don’t know what I would do with myself if something happened toyou, Hannah.”
I wanted to ask what he meant, but only an exhale came out, my heart thudding loudly in my ears. It felt loud in this hospital room, so loud I was sure he could hear it too, or maybe feel it shaking through my whole body from where he touched me.
“You’d be okay,” I said finally, though it came out more a question than a firm statement.
“I wouldn’t.” Barry shook his head. “Not at all. Don’t you see that? I’ve had you for such a short time, but you’ve disrupted everything about my life. The thought of going on without you, living in a world without you in it, makes me feel completely out of control in a way I haven’t felt in years.”
I took a shuddering breath, and he grabbed my hand, moving it from his cheek to over his heart.
