He just couldn’t stop thinking about last weekend.
He’d been holding it together before then, he was pretty sure. And even in the beginning, with Ash on top of him, he’d been … pretty normal. Like, Ash fucking Spencer had been amazing, but Spencer hadn’ttotallylost his head. He’d been kind of flushed and embarrassed and pleased about the way Ash praised him, but he’d also thought Ash had been having fun experimenting, learning that being an omega didn’t mean he couldn’t dominate and dick down with the best of them.
But then it had been Ryder’s turn, and he’d been all … slow. And thorough. And sweet. That was the thing—he’d been allsweetto Spencer, giving him these long, deep strokes that had left Spencer hot and breathless, and then kissing Spencer stupid on top of it.
And the way Ash had watched them …
Spencer had caught glimpses, on the rare occasions Ryder had let him up for air. Ash hadn’t looked like someone who’d just gotten his rocks off getting a hot show. He’d looked?—
He’d looked like someone who was watching something important. LikeSpencerwas important.
And then Ryder had said all those really nice things and …
It had left Spencer reeling, all of it. And feeling guilty as hell. Because he knew he’d crossed a line somewhere. And not just by letting Ash fuck him outside of a heat either. He’d crossed a line somewhereinsidehimself.
Spencer didn’t want it to stop, was the thing. He didn’t want Ash’s heats to stabilize and for them both to say, “Goodbye now. Thanks for all the cock.”
And what if they didn’t? What if they asked Spencer to stick around like some sort of alpha plaything for when they were in the mood? Spencer wouldn’t be able to say no. Hewouldn’t. Not because of any expectations on their end, but because of how very, very badly he’d want to say yes. Even though he’d know that they loved each other more than anything and that he was just … fun, he’d still be hoping, somewhere deep down, that they’dlikehim. That they’d want to keep him.
Fuck. He was a terrible friend. To Noah, definitely. But to Ash and Ryder too.
Because Ash hated these heats. It was part of why he and Ryder weren’t here tonight. Ash had been getting feverish and tired again this week, and he wasn’t up for a night at the bar. Spencer had his phone on max volume just in case they needed him, but Ash had only texted something along the lines of,This better be the fucking end of it soon, or I’m gonna riot.
So Spencer should be praying for Ash’s heats to end, for him to stabilize the way he so desperately wanted to. Spencer hoping otherwise was just Spencer being selfish. As usual.
“Yo.”
Spencer yelped, clutching a hand to his chest.
When the hell had Chase gotten here? But hewashere, standing in front of Spencer’s bar with his ever-present baseball cap in place.
Spencer tried for a smile and mostly managed it. “Chasey, boy. What’re you doing here?”
“Just thought I’d hang. We keep missing each other.”
They did. Chase and Noah had their guys, and Spencer had picked up some extra shifts to distract himself while Ash was feeling all poorly. Ryder and Ash had tried to get him to spend the night a few times this week, but that had seemed like … not a good idea, so Spencer had blamed work and bowed out.
Chase was looking at him expectantly, so Spencer nodded, hoping he hadn’t been staring into space for too long. “Yeah. Cool. Thanks, bud.”
Chase took a seat on one of the barstools, and Spencer got to making him a gin and tonic. He knew what his beta bestie liked.
“Dude, are you okay?” Chase asked after a minute.
Spencer nodded again. “Sure, sure.” He set Chase’s drink down at the bar. “Hey, have you ever done anything unforgivable?”
Chase blinked at him as he brought his straw to his lips. “Um …”
“Like, what if you’d banged …” Spencer tried to think of an appropriate substitute for his situation. “… Eli’s sister.”
Chase choked on his drink, coughing into his elbow. When he caught his breath, he gave Spencer an incredulous look. “You mean if I cheated on Killian?”
He said it like Spencer had asked if he’d murder a nice old lady for funsies.
“What? No. I mean, if you were single.”
Chase didn’t look any less scandalized. “Faith ismarried. And Liz is, like, the nicest.”
Spencer nodded. He couldn’t stop doing that. It was like he’d turned into a bobblehead. Chase was going to think he’d lost a circuit somewhere “You’re right. You’d be scum.”
