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Max
I watch her walk away, and even though I want to stop her and ask her what she meant by what she just said, I can’t. I can’t, because my daughter is inside, and she’s hurting. Deep.
Maddy.
She saw Maddy.
God. Fuck! Jaw tight, I make my way into the house and search for Ceecee. I find her in her room, staring out the window. My chest aches. She looks so small. So lost. I don’t know how to fix this. If Helena had just told me Ceecee wanted to meet her mom, I could’ve explained why that wasn’t going to happen. But no, she went behind my back and organized a meeting with the heartless woman who gave birth to my daughter, and look at what she’s done. All the progress Ceecee’s made in the past month…gone.
I knock on the doorframe and move to sit on her bed. She doesn’t acknowledge me. Resting my elbows on my knees, I utter gently, “So, you met your mom.” She doesn’t move. “I bet it makes sense now why I don’t like talking about her, huh?”
Her bottom lip quivers and she takes in a shaky breath. She doesn’t respond, but nods to the window. I can’t help but ask, “Why didn’t you just ask me, if you wanted to meet her?”
Ceecee turns to me; her tear-stained face makes my gut burn. “Would you have let me meet her?”
I shake my head. “Hell no.”
“That’s why,” she explains weakly.
I sigh. “She tell you she’s got a family?” Ceecee nods. “And I’m guessing she wasn’t as excited to see you as you were to see her.” Ceecee shakes her head softly. I ball my hands into fists to spot myself from losing my shit. “You don’t need her, baby. You never did. You got me, and I love you enough for a hundred people.”
Chin trembling, tears fall from her eyes and she nods in agreement. “I know, Daddy. I love you too.”
My heart races. I’m close to the breaking point, but I keep my calm enough to ask, “How’d Helena find her? She hire someone? Took me close to a year to track her down.”
Ceecee looks over at me, confused. “Helena didn’t find her. I did.”
My body stiffens. “What?” I ask, numb.
Ceecee wheels herself over to her closet. She opens the door and pulls out…
My heart beats even faster. My body hums. You have got to be kidding me. As she pulls out the box I’ve kept hidden all her life, I ask on a whisper, “Where’d you find that?”
Rather than answering the question, she mutters, “Her address was in here. Photos too. I sent her a letter weeks ago asking her to meet me this morning. She sent one back saying she would.” Her eyes find mine. “Helena didn’t know. She thought I was meeting my new friends.” She opens her mouth to speak, but closes it. Finally, she says a hushed, “I didn’t tell anyone.”
Dread fills me as the realization hits me. Helena didn’t know.
“I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“This is all a big mistake.”
“You don’t understand, Max. It wasn’t like you think.”
My heart stop beating altogether. What have I done? I close my eyes, trying to swallow, but my mouth is suddenly as dry as the Sahara Desert.
Jesus fucking Christ, what have I done?
“You’re right. She’s not mine. I’m not her mother. But sometimes, I wish I were.”
I feel the blood drain from my face. My palms sweat.
“Are you okay, Daddy?” I swallow hard, the pressure in my ears building as she whispers, “I’m sorry, Daddy. So sorry.”
I turn to my daughter. “I’m fine.” No, I’m not. “As long as you are.”
Ceecee smiles sadly. “I always thought meeting my mom would be a happy memory.”
I shake my head and sigh an apologetic, “Cricket.”
