“Oh oh. I know that look. You’re down a rabbit hole. What’s going on?” she asks, leaning forward.
I glance at the door, nervous that Selene might be within earshot. I want to talk about the things bothering me. And if anyone is the right person to use as a sounding board… It’s Raya. But I can’t risk Selene overhearing my thoughts.
Raya follows my gaze and understands immediately. “She’s downstairs making popcorn with the twins. Talk to me, Simon.”
Sighing, I rub your hands over my face. Raya leans forward and studies the documents on my desk, trying to gather her own ideas about what’s bothering me. “Her father…” she says, looking up at me.
“What if I have to kill him?” I blurt out the question that I have been trying to pretend hasn’t been looping through my head.
“Oh,” Raya says, leaning back, her head tilted to the side as she considers my question. “He is her father. But… he has been pushing hard against her. He hurt her… if it came down to it… but…” She scrunches her nose. “But heisher father…”
“You see my dilemma. What if I have to make that choice and she hates me for it? Because personally, I havenofucking problem with putting a bullet in the guy’s skull. He’s a fucking monster for what he did to her. But will she hate me for it?”
Raya bites at her lip and shakes her head. “You should talk to her about this,” she says. “It’s something you should discuss so she is aware that it might come down to that. This should be a choice she makes with you. Or at least… she should be aware of the possibility.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think she should be burdened with that choice. How can I ask her to decide if it’s okay to kill her father or not? It’s not fair. She shouldn’t have to worry about that. When the time comes, I will do what I need to do. What has to be done.”
Raya throws me a look of utter disapproval. “A secret like this is dangerous,” she warns me. “And it’s not your choice to make. You need to realize that carrying this choice alone is the same as keeping a secret from her. And secrets are what almost tore you two apart in the past. Don’t make that same mistake again and lose her.”
Raya stands up, gathering her purse and throwing me one final look of warning.
“Talk to her, Simon. She’s not naive or weak. This isn’t a burden like you think it is… It’s something important to discuss.”
I nod, smiling tightly as she waves goodbye. Once she has left the office and I am alone again, I think about what she’s said.
But no matter how I position the idea in my mind, I know I’m doing the right thing, but keeping this to myself. Ican’tput this on Selene, not after everything she has already been through. I can’t ask her to make this impossible choice.
What if she says no, we can’t kill her father, and what if it’s the only option to keep the twins safe?
No.
This is my burden to carry.
Not hers.
The next morning, I wake up with Selene in my arms, still sleeping peacefully, and I have an overwhelming urge to whisk her away somewhere beautiful.
“Princess,” I whisper against her ear.
“Mmm,” she murmurs, halfway between life and dreams.
“You need to wake up and pack. We’re going to the beach house for a while.”
“Mm?” she mumbles again, trying to pull herself awake as she rolls to look at me. “We’re going…” she murmurs.
“We’re going on a beach holiday. The twins are going to love it. We’ll get out of the city; we’ll get to spend time alone with each other… We’ll be somewhere where we don’t have to worry about all of the drama. We can take a break from it all,” I tell her.
Her eyes flutter, then focus on me. “A beach holiday,” she says, sounding more awake and a bit excited. “I’ve never taken the twins to the beach. They’ve never been in the ocean,” she says.
“But… how is that possible?” I ask, stunned.
“Prisoners,” she shrugs, as though that word explains everything. “The beach was a luxury we never had a chance to experience together.”
I grin. “Well, then, this is the perfect idea. Let’s have coffee, pack, get the twins up, and leave as soon as possible?”
“You just want to disappear? Just like that? No planning?” she giggles, reaching up to touch my face.
“What is there to plan? I’ll call the pilot and have him get the private jet ready. We throw some things into a suitcase… and we leave. It’s as easy as that. This is how all adventures are supposed to happen.”
