“Now things have changed, haven’t they?”
Chapter Eighteen
JOHN IS COMPLETELY SPEECHLESS.
“I’m going to contact him,” I tell him. “I want to visit him for a week,” I say matter-of-factly. “We’ll have to see what he says.”
John is slack jawed. He has absolutely no words. I don’t blame him. I’d have no words either if I were him.
Finally, he manages to speak, “Uh… do you mean, just visiting as friends? Is this guy married?”
“No, he’s single. And no, I don’t mean ‘just visiting as friends’, I mean fucking each other’s brains out if we feel like it.” As soon as the words are out, I instantly regret them — it’s not so much what I’ve said, but how I’ve said it.
“Fuck, Gabbie, you can’t be serious.”
“I’m dead serious,” I tell him. “Why should you have all the fun, John?”
“No fucking way,” he scoffs. “I won’t stand for it. No way you’re going to Copenhagen and sleeping with this asshole.”
I want to grab his laptop, and throw it at his face. I really do. “Well, first off, he’s not an asshole, he’s a nice guy. Second, if you get to fuck someone else, then so do I. Tit for tat and all that. And thirdly, and this is the most important one of all, if I don’t do this, I’ll never ever be able to forgive you.”
“So let me get this straight,” he says. “If you sleep with this guy, you’ll magically be able to forgive me.”
“I know it sounds stupid—”
“It is stupid, Gabbie,” he snaps. “Do you even hear yourself?”
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot,” I argue. “Let’s give it a week, and if I still feel the same—”
“So you’re asking me for a Hall Pass?”
I think about it for a second. “Yes, essentially.”
“You think you can sleep with this guy, and then come back to me, and everything will be great again between us.”
“If I don’t do this, I’ll always be resentful of your affair. I’ll always remember her and her purple tipped hair. I’ll tell myself that it’s not fair that you got to play a little, and I didn’t.”
He doesn’t say a word.
“I’ll spend a week with Eli, and I’ll forget all about her. And then when I come back to you, I will have had my adventure. It’ll be like we’ve just both experimented with open marriage for a short while. Think about it,” I go on. “I’m trading only one week for your five months.”
“Yep, that’s a deal for me,” he deadpans.
“Don’t you understand where I’m coming from? If I do this, our marriage can survive your affair.”
He nods. “I get it,” he says. “Our marriage is the most important thing in the world to me, and I’d like to think it’s the same for you.”
“It is,” I assure him.
He shakes his head. “I can’t believe I’m considering this.”
“You have no choice,” I tell him. “If you don’t let me do it, our marriage is over.” It sounds like an ultimatum, and it kind of is, in a way, but it’s really not. If I don’t do this, I’ll never be able to accept what he’s done to me.
“One week,” he says.
“One week,” I repeat.
“Then it’s over,” he adds. “You break it off completely… just like I’m doing. No more contact.”
