“Yeah. It’s great,” I reply. “I love it.” This is about more than sex, this is about how he makes me feel, how he makes me laugh, how he makes me look forward to every day. I won’t be able to let him go.
“What is it, Gabriella?”
I can’t fool him. He knows something’s up, but I haven’t actually mentioned the bit about goodbyes yet. And I don’t feel like getting into it tonight — I’m such a coward. “I just… I’m still just so upset about John.”
His face darkens. “I know…” He clearly doesn’t know what to say.
“I still can’t believe he did this to me, to us. I know I’ve not been completely innocent either, but I’ve never seriously contemplated infidelity. Ever.”
I understand temptation. Infidelity is something I’d thought about, but would never have gone through with. Like a teenage girl trying on a glitzy skirt she knows she could never afford, infidelity was always a fantasy. But he made it real, and now everything has changed.
“I think about her a lot,” I tell him. “I picture them together—”
“You can’t… you need to stop doing that.”
“That’s easier said than done,” I tell him.
“Believe me, I know where you’re coming from.”
I’ve been so self-involved that I’ve completely forgotten that he’s been through the exact same thing. “I’m sorry, Eli. Here I am bitching about all my problems, and I know you’ve been through this too.”
“Well, it was a while ago, but I know you’ll drive yourself crazy if you don’t let go.”
“I just can’t stop thinking about her,” I confess. It’s something I haven’t even admitted to my friends. “I wonder if her skin is softer than mine, if her hair is silkier, if her pussy is sweeter…”
Eli’s eyes visibly darken. “God… Gabriella, just stop it. Promise me you’ll stop.”
“I can’t.” I try to make him understand. “I start thinking about it, and I can’t stop.”
“Okay, let’s try this,” he says. He scratches his scruffy chin. “Every time you think about her, or about them, I want you to stop, and Google Copenhagen. I’ll give you a list of attractions to research. I want to fill your brain with this trip, and I want you to forget all about them.”
“Okay… I can try.”
“I’ll get you a list by the end of the day.”
“Sorry, I’m such a downer,” I say. “I’m sure this isn’t your idea of a fun Friday night. You should be out with your buddies at a club.”
He laughs. “No, I’m perfectly happy chatting with you.”
“Hey, you want to see something goofy,” I ask.
He smiles. “Yes, always.”
I angle the phone toward my feet, and stretch my toes. The ears on my dog slippers stand up straight, and my feet look pretty funny. He laughs, and it erases all the pain, but just for a second or two.
“Don’t look too close,” I warn. “I’ve got some stubbly legs going.”
“Show me,” he says. “Go closer.”
I laugh. “No way.” I turn the screen around to face me again.
“So you’re not into shaving your legs…” he teases.
“Well, usually I am,” I tell him. “But it’s still winter, and I haven’t had sex in ages, so you know…”
“John is still in the guest room?”
“Yep,” I say, “but I’m planning to shave my legs before my trip to Copenhagen.”
