I nod, a little too enthusiastically. “Yep.”
“She’s fucking him.”
I stop breathing for a second. He knows. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Does he not care?
“I’m not a hundred percent sure,” he tells me. “About ninety-five. The way they are together…”
“Well, they work together every day. Of course they would be close.” Even as I utter the words, I know I’m full of shit. But what else am I going to say?Your wife is a fucking trollop and you should run away as fast as you can.
“No, they’re fucking.”
I’m so confused. I have so many questions. “How long have you known? Do you not care?”
“I care. I care about her too much to let this come between us. It’s one guy, and he’s about sixty. Renee has always had daddy issues… she’s messed up.”
“I see…” I say calmly, sounding like a useless therapist.
“What can I say… I love her. She’s the mother of my children. She’s all I’ve ever known.”
I know.
33
When he turns to me, his soft brown eyes are so dark, I get lost in them for a second.
“I swear if it wasn’t for you, Mischa, I think I’d just lose it. I’m so thankful we met. I don’t know what I’d do without you. It was fate.”
His words take me by surprise. They leave me completely speechless.
No, it wasn’t fate. I stalked you. I’m not right, Joel,I desperately want to confess. I want to tell him everything, everything he should know about me. I want to warn him. He can’t let someone like me in. He can’t throw his arms open because I’ll never let him go. I’ll obsess and fixate. I’ll make him mine. I’ll ruin his life. And mine. He can’t say these words. He can’t tempt me.
“Uh…” is all I manage to mutter.
“You’re all I think about these days,” he says without apology. “Is that wrong?”
I still have no words.
He reaches for my face, and the warmth of his hands sends a flood of heat through my core. God, doesn’t he know he can’t touch me? Doesn’t he know I’m ablaze? Has his mother never warned him? One should never play with fire.
His gaze is dark. His eyes fix mine like they never have before. “You mean the world to me, Mischa,” he says, his words a whisper. “You’re everything I need right now. You’re everything Renee is not.”
I’m frozen, my face caught in his warm hands. He stares at my mouth, and my gaze is drawn to his. His lips are slightly open. I’m off balance… shaky. My heart is in my stomach. I feel sick but elated. He’s falling. His eyes are begging me to fall with him, and mine are pleading with him to let me go, to not do this. Because I know if he kisses me, I won’t be able to stop him. I’ll sink into him. I will be lost forever.
I love Brian. I do. He loves Renee. But we’re both so messed up right now.
“Joel…” I breathe.
“Yes.”
“We’re both so confused right now…”
His gaze pulls from mine and he releases my face. “I know… I’m sorry.”
I want his hands back on my skin. I crave his touch, despite the fact that I know I shouldn’t. “You and I have shared too much, have gotten too close,” I tell him. “That’s the only reason you’re falling for me right now.”
He turns to me. “No, it’s not. You’re amazing, Mischa. You’re smart, beautiful… caring.”
I smile. “I’m not even your type,” I joke. “I’m nothing like the beautiful Renee.”
