And here I was, naked on a strange bed, legs spread wide for this gigolo. What the fuck was I doing? I panicked. I told Anthony I couldn’t do this.
When he persisted and lowered his long lean frame over mine, I squirmed. “Let me out. Let me go, please.”
“What’s wrong, baby?” He trailed kisses over my breasts, licked a circle around my nipple. “Just enjoy this. You want this. You deserve this, you beautiful woman. Forget about your husband. He doesn’t care about you the way I do.”
I started kicking and throwing my arms with all my might, as much as I could under my restraints. “I’m going to be sick,” I screamed. “My stomach hurts. I’m going to shit on your bed.”
I don’t know why I said those exact words, but they worked. He swiftly untied my restraints, all thumbs, all the while asking. “What is wrong with you? Did you eat something strange?”
As soon as I was free, I sprinted to the small washroom. I locked the door and hugged myself tightly. I was shaking. I noticed a pair of red lace panties, bunched up in the corner, behind the toilet. What was I doing? Thankfully, we hadn't slept together yet. We’d only made out like teenagers. We hadn’t engaged in oral either. All I could think about was how I’d just dodged a bullet — the man was probably riddled with STDs.
I opened the door and called out. “I need my clothes please.”
He was agreeable when he gave me my clothing and waited for me to get dressed and get my stuff together. As I was just about to leave, he offered me a can of iced tea, the kind I like. I accepted.
“Mischa… “ he said, a sad expression plastered on his chiseled face. “I don’t think this is going to work out.”
I nodded. “I know,” and quietly left his apartment. I cried all night that evening, locked in my master ensuite, sitting on the floor.
We never spoke again.
I confessed everything to Brian the following day. We had a tough go at it but he understood where I was coming from. We went to therapy for a few months, and he eventually forgave me. I was so thankful and from then on, I was an exemplary wife and mother. At the time I had no clue why forgiveness came so easily to him. Because he needed to be forgiven too. I realize now that this was the year he found out about Ava.
Brian takes my hand and leads me to the sofa in the living room. “Listen, Mischa. We’ve both made mistakes, but the only thing that counts is us, our family, the fact that we love each other, and always will. So we’re both a little messed up… who isn’t.”
“Well, I am… a little more than you.”
He smiles. “You’re probably right about that.”
I reach up and wrap my arms around him, reveling in the warmth and closeness of him. If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s the fact that I love him like crazy.
“I love you,” he says.
“I love you too… so much.”
* * *
I’ve beenon edge all day. Brian and Renee are meeting over lunch. He’s telling her that we want to be part of Ava’s life, that Ava knows Joel is not her biological father. I can’t wait to find out how it all goes. The way I see it, there are two possible scenarios. One: she completely freaks out. And two: she’s cool about it. It could go either way.
I haven’t been able to focus on work today, so I’ve decided to just abandon it. Instead I’m organizing my spice rack. Organizing soothes me, eases my nerves. The boys are at school and the house is spotless. I check my watch — one hour until Brian gets back. I’ve checked my phone repeatedly — no messages or texts from Brian.
I’m pouring some paprika into one of my just-cleaned spice jars when Brian finally gets home, a little later than usual. I drop everything and run to the front door.
“Sorry I’m late,” he says. “It’s crazy these days.” Yes, June always is.
“Why didn’t you text me… call me?” I ask him. “I’ve been going insane.”
He drops his briefcase by the door and slips off his shoes. “Sorry, like I said… crazy.”
“So what’s the status? How did lunch go?”
He takes my hand and leads me to the living room. We both take a seat on the sofa. “At first, she was pissed.”
“I can imagine.”
“She said I had no right coming into her life and messing everything up. She never told Joel about Ava. She says it’s because she’s still not sure if Ava is mine.”
“Bullshit… just look at the girl. She’s your spitting image.”
