We all crack up, and I reach for the cup of tea Colleen hands me.
We cover all the bases, and there’s absolutely nothing to be concerned about, no red flags. It’s a clear cut case. Madison is clearly happier and better off with her aunt. She seems a little sad when she speaks of her visits with her parents and her dog, and you can see she truly loves them. Her parents are struggling to get better, but for each step forward, it seems to be two backwards. I don’t think Madison will ever live with them again. They’ll always be part of her life, but they’ll never be a family again.
Colleen waves me a goodbye and closes the door behind me. A heavy weight presses at my core as I think of my own childhood, my own family. I never really had one, and I wonder how that has shaped me. Is it the reason I couldn’t make it work with Daniel? Or was it that I never loved him enough? Am I even capable of true love? When I never truly had it as a child?
Gavin loved me. Gavin taught me how to love. When I think about Noah, I think I could possibly love again. Perhaps I’m capable of it. He fills me with excitement and longing, in a way Daniel never did.
Perhaps I’m capable of love. Of loving Noah Parker.
* * *
Summer wasslow and kind of sad. Izzie and I never spoke again. We saw each other here and there during summer break, but we avoided each other as much as we could. She, Kelly and Karla became a happy trio. And she even managed to turn KK (as everyone called them) against me. They were convinced I was a slut and not worth their time.
I no longer went to the Reeds, only seeing them occasionally here and there. Adele asked me why I wasn’t coming around anymore, and I told her I was just very busy with my new job. Little Abe would sometimes stop by when I was out in the yard, and we’d chat a little.
I unfortunately did not find new friends, save for the few coworkers I hung out with occasionally at the movie theatre where I worked. I thanked the Lord every day for that job. I worked the concession stand and was very good at my job, very efficient. Every Tuesday night (Tuesday $5 special) when the place was a zoo, we’d have a competition for the highest till take (the most money made). I often won. The prizes were movie posters. They covered my walls;Lord of the Rings, Moulin Rouge, Shrek, Jurassic Park III, The Fast and the Furious, Vanilla Sky, Harry Potter and more.
I ate a lot of popcorn and watched a lot of movies, by myself mostly, and occasionally with my coworkers. And sometimes I’d invite Gavin. Movies, popcorn and soda were free for employees, but the packaged treats were regular price. I was saving for college so I never indulged in the Skittles and Kit Kats (they were overpriced anyway).
And of course, I had my books, and most importantly, I still had Gavin, and was still madly in love. We hung out in his backyard during the summer. He was always fixing something; ATVs, dirt bikes, motorbikes. I happily assisted him, and he taught me a few things.
My dad eventually got off my case about him, clearly understanding that I couldn’t stay away. The only sage advice he had to give me was: “Don’t you get knocked up, you little tramp. Because if you do, I’m throwing you out of here. Ain’t having no crying baby around here.”
That summer Gavin and I shared was truly the most wonderful summer of my life. We took long rides in his Benz, we shared picnics in the meadow behind the park and we watched a lot of movies. Just to annoy me, he continued to call me ‘kid’.
Nothing happened between us because he promised me that once I turned eighteen, everything would change. Just like a kid waiting eagerly for Christmas morning, I was very patient and good.
I was just happy to be with him.
* * *
It’s aboutnine o’clock and I’ve already binge watched three episodes ofThe Good Wife, and things got a little steamy in the last one. I bite my lip, thinking about Noah next door. He’s busy working on a deadline, and we agreed that we’d spend the night apart. I was fine with it at the time, but now I’m all worked up.
I bounce off my sofa, and head to my bedroom. I’m aroused as I dig into my lingerie drawer. I’m looking for my black lace corset teddy and thigh-high stockings. My heart skips a beat when I finally find it. I head to my closet where my shoes are kept. I don’t have that many high heels. I don’t need them since I’m already five foot seven, but I do have these sexy black suede Steve Madden pumps. I reach for them, an impish smile on my face.
I’m giddy as I slip on the teddy and stockings. I tousle my hair and apply some makeup. It’s quite the transformation. Ten minutes ago, I was in my pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt.
I saunter to the front door, heels in hand. I grab my red trench coat, usually reserved for rainy days. I slip on the heels, the tallest in my collection.
I’m a bit nervous. First off, I’m supposed to leave him alone tonight. Secondly, we don’t often spend time at his place. I’m a little weary about inviting myself like this. Yet, I’m hoping that he won’t mind when he sees me all dolled up for him.
My knock is timid. No answer. I can hear music. He’s probably hard at work. Maybe this was a bad idea. I turn on my heel and hesitate. I don’t often wear this get-up, and I’m sure he won’t mind a quickie. I’ll be in and out in ten minutes. I knock a little louder. Still no answer.
I ring the bell, which is annoyingly loud. All the units in Orchard Heights have the same ear-assaulting buzz.
Finally, the door swings open, and his jaw drops. Mission accomplished.
He looks sexy, effortlessly so; mussed up hair, three day beard, white tee and worn jeans.
“Wow,” he whispers. “I love those shoes… and that jacket.”
I shoot him a coy grin. “Are you going to invite me in or what?”
He extends his arm eagerly. “Come in!”
My legs are a little unsteady as I walk in. I usually don’t do this kind of thing. I pull at my belt, and fiddle with the buttons on my jacket. I slip off the jacket and let it fall quietly to the floor. I turn around to catch his expression. His jaw is on the floor.
“Wow.”
