He’d been on his own in Alaska for a while, but there were so few women.She was really the only woman he’d spent time alone with.He never would have had the courage to send for a mail-order bride if his boss hadn’t done it first.It was an uncomfortable situation, but he was certain he’d get used to it.Eventually.
*****
BY THE TIME THEY REACHEDLake Bennett, Sally was convinced Tom was disappointed in her and wished he could send her back to Massachusetts.She knew from the letters she’d exchanged with Belle and Maggie that there were plenty of men in Alaska who wanted wives if Tom rejected her, but she didn’t want Tom to reject her.She wanted to be married to Thomas Harlan, not some faceless stranger.
Tom had been nothing but kind, but he still hadn’t kissed her on the lips, and she gave him every opportunity.She knew he was shy.It was painfully obvious.But...it didn’t make her feel any better about herself.
When they got into their boat to travel up the Yukon River, she decided she would wait until they were out of earshot of everyone, and she would ask him what she’d done wrong.She couldn’t live much longer with the constant silence.
It took them a bit to be away from prying ears, but as soon as they were, she asked, “What have I done wrong, Tom?”
He paused rowing and turned to her, surprised at her question.“Nothing.”
“Then why don’t you want to talk to me?I’ve tried starting at least three thousand four hundred and fifty-three conversations with you, and you only respond with one word when you respond at all.Have I offended you somehow?Do I need to start wearing a sackcloth over my head?Do you dislike brown hair?I’ve heard putting lemons on your hair and spending time in the sun will make your hair lighter.I like it brown, but if you don’t, I’ll find some way to change it.Please just tell me what to do to please you.”
Tom sighed and turned back around to face away from her.“I—th-there’s something I didn’t tell you in my letters.I st-stutter.Mostly I’ve overcome it, but s-sometimes I still do it.When I’m n-nervous.”
Sally gaped at his back.“That’s all?You could have written me a note to say that.I’ve been so worried I was doing something you didn’t like...”
Tom swallowed hard.“I’ve learned to speak as little as possible to avoid ridicule.”
“Don’t worry about stammering with me!I’m your wife, and I loved you from the moment I read your first letter.Is that why you haven’t kissed me?”
He looked over his shoulder at her again as if he were trying to decide how to respond to her question.“N-no.”He took a deep breath and willed his tongue to work properly.“I-I’ve never kissed a woman.”
“I’ve never kissed a man!We’ll have our first kiss together.When we camp for the night.”
He stared straight ahead of him at the rich blue water of the river.He didn’t respond.He knew the nerves fluttering through him would make him stutter if he tried, and he wasn’t willing to stutter for her again.Why did she make him so nervous?Perhaps it was her beauty.
As he rowed, he thought about her suggestion of writing her a note.He’d brought paper and a pencil.He could easily write her little notes telling her how beautiful he thought she was.
After thinking about it for a moment, he decided to do just that.That evening, by the fire, he would write her a note.If she liked it, he would write more.That way, his stammer wouldn’t happen, and she would understand how he felt.
As soon as they got off the boat that evening, he asked her to set up their sleep areas for the first time, and he started a fire, planning to write her a note while she worked.
With the fire started, he put pencil to paper and wrote a short note.
Sally,
I apologize for not talking to you much.Your beauty makes me so nervous, I simply know I won’t be able to speak without stammering, and that’s the last thing I want to do.Please understand it is nothing you do wrong.I want nothing more than to be closer to you.
Your Thomas
As he signed the note, he remembered how startled he’d been when they’d met, and she called him her Thomas.But he knew now he was.In every way.He hoped he could make her see that.
She finished laying out their blankets, and he noticed their bedding was touching.He wanted to laugh.She made no qualms about wanting to be closer to him, and he knew deep inside, she was the woman he’d waited his entire life for.She was perfect in his eyes.
Sally sat beside him on the ground, giving him a portion of hardtack and jerky before starting on her own.“I’m looking forward to eating something other than this when we get to Yeti,” she said.“I didn’t mind at first because it was food, and it didn’t make me queasy, but now...now I want to eat other things.I do hope we arrive in time for me to start a garden.”
He nodded, quietly handing her the note he’d written.He watched her face as she read it, and when she teared up, he worried he’d said something wrong in the note.Instead of criticizing him, she threw her arms around him and kissed him right on the mouth.
It didn’t take him more than a moment to take advantage of the kiss, drawing her closer, right onto his lap.
Sally smiled as she pulled away.“Thank you for the sweet note.I think you’re very handsome, Tom.When you get over your nervousness about talking to me, it will be a blessing, but until then, I would be thrilled to receive notes from you if you’re willing to write them.”
Tom looked into her eyes, nodded, and pulled her mouth back to his, kissing her more passionately this time.
When they finally broke the kiss, she moved back beside him on the ground and finished her supper.“You’re a very special man, Thomas.I’m glad you’re the man I chose to marry.”
