“Let me guess, she’s the moon,” that guy said as I found myself on a fucking karaoke stage, the bright lights in my face, and Knox in the audience.
It was then the strains of Fiona Apple’s “Shadowboxer” started.
And I learned another something new about my sister.
She was an evil genius.
Hearing the snare, the piano, no thought, without hesitation, I walked right up the microphone, pinned Knox with my eyes, and when it was time—not thinking for a moment that it might not be such a smart idea to lash back, doing this in front of all (or most) of our friends, even if he was the one to land the first blow—I sang, “Once my lover, now my friend. What a cruel thing to pretend. What a cunning way to condescend…”
And I kept right on going, aiming it all straight at Knox.
Honestly?
I didn’t know I had it in me.
The last karaoke song I sang was at that same Christmas party where Knox and I fought, and I sang with my chicks to the Waitresses’ “Christmas Wrapping,” so my voice was drowned out. And when I sang in my apartment or car, I turned it up, so my voice was drowned out then too.
In other words, I’d never assessed my singing voice because I didn’t need a good one to use it for the purposes I had to use it.
But damn, I felt every one of Fiona’s words so deep to my soul, my voice came out smooth, low, sure, very, very haunting, and very, very hurt.
And I knew by the frozen, pained look on his face, Knox not only heard them, like what he’d aimed at me with 10cc, he felt them.
I was carving my own scars in his flesh.
I loved that.
And I hated it.
I wanted it.
And I wanted to take it back.
It was only after the song ended, the last lash having landed, opening up flesh, doing to him what he did to me—making him bleed—that I was able to take in the whole of the AAHS group.
I saw Raye had both hands over her mouth, but that didn’t hide the distress written all over her face. Harlow was flat-out crying. Cap was scowling at Knox. And there were plenty of other, miserable reactions to Knox and I taking our shit out on each other in public, and right in front of them.
This…
This was what I’d wanted to avoid going there with him.
So, goddammit, this was his fault too.
It was so destroying, it made me race off the stage.
Dream caught me, and her hands on me, her attention aimed at AAHS, she said, “Okay, maybe that wasn’t my brightest idea.”
“It was perfect, and it wasn’t,” I whispered, her head ticked with confusion, but I didn’t explain. I asked, “Can you finish your date with Byron without me?”
She didn’t hesitate to say, “Go.”
I moved in to kiss her cheek.
When I moved back, I was too emotional to see what was written stark on her face at my gesture of affection.
I had to get out of there.
I didn’t look at anybody.
