In his medicine cabinet, I pulled out his ibuprofen, naproxen and aspirin (mm-hmm, these guys didn’t mess around with painkillers, and even though I grabbed them, I did it ignoring that too).
I then, in his bedroom, swiped two pillows and dragged the comforter off his bed.
I took this all downstairs.
Out of the sides of my eyes, I saw Knox still in his kitchen.
I ignored him as I stacked the pillows on one side of the couch, with difficulty (it was a king) folded up the comforter so it’d be tidy and put it in reach for when he needed it (Knox didn’t have throw blankets, something I would have rectified if we’d stayed together, and something that thrilled me, but I wouldn’t cop to it, because it was evident he didn’t allow Cheyenne in deep enough to give her that honor). I set the pain meds on the coffee table and nabbed his water bottle.
Ignoring him still (kind of, he was a very tall, built guy and his kitchen wasn’t that big) I filled the water bottle then perused his cupboards.
They were pretty bare.
Then again, Knox was a glitch in the matrix.
The dude actually liked grocery shopping and tended to hit one to grab what he wanted to make for dinner on his way home from work.
I dug my phone out of my bag, pulled up Instacart, loaded the cart with snacks, dips and treats, programmed his address in for delivery, and hit go.
Only then did I look at him.
“Stuff is gonna be delivered. Don’t open the door when it gets here. I don’t want you having to bend down to pick anything up. I’ll swing around after Dream gets done with Reiki and bring it in.”
“I don’t need your help.”
“Well, tough. This is what friends do. So you’re just gonna have to suck it up.”
“Luna—”
I didn’t know why.
Hearing his deep voice wrap around my name?
Seeing his magnificence cobbled like that, and it not being my place, never going to be my place to truly look after him?
Being back in his space, where I’d been happy, we’d been happy, until he killed that?
Whatever, it was then, I lost it.
And I did it spiking toward him and shouting, “Fuck you, Knox! Fuck your stubborn. Fuck your pride. Fuck your complete inability to compromise. Fuck you for throwing us away and fuck you for making me be your friend. But that’s what you wanted. So here I am, big man. Take it or leave it, and by leaving it, I mean, I’m history. We’re acquaintances. We might be in the same space at the same time because we know the same people, but I don’t exist for you. So what’s it gonna be, Knox? Like you did to me, no time to think on it. Like you said back then, you either know you got it in you, or you don’t. Answer. Now. Are you taking it? Or leaving it?”
I absolutely refused to allow the look on his face to penetrate when he said, this time the quiet of his tone being the soft-gentle-sweet variety, “Baby, I think we need to talk.”
“You said what you had to say back then, Knox. My decision was made. So what’s yours?”
More soft-gentle-sweet, God help me.
“You know I want you in my life.”
“Okay, then I’ll be back to put the stuff away and with some ready meals so you can nuke something decent to eat other than chips and dip.”
With that, I returned his water bottle to the coffee table and marched to the door.
“Luna.”
I turned to him, took one look at his face and begged, “Don’t.”
He did.
