“I see.” And she did. She understood exactly who this man was. He would never let go of his ambition for an ordinary life. He’d not stop until he had an Oscar in his hand or was the biggest movie star in the world. Marrying a speech therapist and living in Vermont was not who he was deep down. Which meant one thing. They were doomed.
“What about you,” Jason asked. “What are you afraid of?”
“Being charmed, letting my guard down, only to be abandoned when I don’t see it coming.”
He flinched. “Ah, okay.”
“Like I was with my ex-husband. My worst fears came true. He was cheating on me, and I never even saw it. Not once. The late nights at the office. The way he kept his phone so close. The unexpected appointments on a Saturday afternoon. And there I was, a loyal idiot, hanging Christmas ornaments on a perfect tree while he was with her. When I saw that photo—of him and the woman—it all came crashing down around me with utter clarity.Like puzzle pieces all coming together. He had left me, and I didn’t even know it.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” Jason said, his eyes soft. “You deserved so much better.”
She shrugged, that familiar bitterness creeping into her stomach. “Doesn’t matter if I deserved it or not. I learned that I can’t rely on anyone but myself. I have to take care of me because no one else will. It’s a relief, actually, to know that truth. Keeps me safe.”
Neither spoke for a moment or two. They ate some of the delicious food, but she could see he was no longer hungry. She wanted to say something light, but nothing came.
He was the first to break the silence.
“You asked me why I would help Ollie when I didn’t even know the kid,” Jason said. “It’s because I want to matter. I can help someone who really needs it. Be the hero. It’s kind of despicable when you really think about it.”
“No, that’s not right. Whatever your motivation—whatever deep wound there is in you that you’re fighting so hard against—it’s still generous. You’re offering to give up some of your precious time off to help a little boy. There’s no way you can convince me that’s a bad thing.”
The server came to clear their plates, bringing pan-seared branzino over white bean purée with lemon and caper brown butter for their third course.
They ate a few bites, but it tasted like sand to Mauve. She had this sudden desire to go home, curl in a ball, and cry herself to sleep. They were on borrowed time, and she knew it. At least this time she would see it coming.
6
JASON
The next morning, Jason slept later than usual. After he’d dropped Mauve at her house, he’d driven home under a clear sky, stars winking at him as if they were fully on to him. You love the girl, they seemed to say.
Don’t you think I know that?
He’d brushed his teeth and crawled into bed, thinking sleep would not come to his addled mind, but it had. He’d slept a good twelve hours. Which he never did. Too much to do to sleep late, he often told himself. Apparently, everything, and he meant everything, was different in Vermont.
He lay there staring up at the ceiling but not seeing the eggshell white of the paint or the antique fixture Reese had hung. It was Mauve’s face he saw. The way her slender neck looked when she threw back her head to laugh. Her sad eyes when she’d said,He’s a man just like you, only he lives in Sugarville Grove. She might think that, but it wasn’t true. If he was truly the man she wanted and needed, he would not be himself. He would be the kind of man who would put aside his ambition and grab hold of the woman he loved and never look back. Never question his life choices. He would just know. Love is the only thing that mattered.
But it wasn’t true. Not for him anyway. He wanted to be the best at his craft. He wanted a career full of good, meaty roles, for which he would be lauded and well-compensated. He wanted to be a star. Which meant one thing, loud and clear. He was not the man who could give Mauve the stability and support she so clearly yearned for.
Despite knowing this, he couldn’t stop himself from falling head first into love. Regardless of what was right, he loved her.
He climbed out of bed and showered, looking forward to chasing the scent of coffee coming from downstairs. He could hear Reese and Roan moving around in the kitchen, their voices, low and an occasional laugh. What would it be like to wake up to the person you loved most in the world and have that be enough? He doubted he would ever know.
Downstairs, he found Reese and Roan still in the kitchen, sitting at the table with their laptops open, cups of coffee next to them. A half-eaten coffee cake was on the counter, butter and cinnamon competing with the nutty smell of fresh coffee.
“Morning,” he said, heading for the coffee machine.
They answered him in chorus. “Good morning.” Two voices mingled into perfect harmony.
He poured a mug of coffee and cut himself a piece of coffee cake, then settled at the table.
“You two working from home?” Jason asked.
As owners of small businesses that required their presence to teach classes or coach clients, they worked odd hours and, from what he could tell, they did a lot of their administrative work at home at the kitchen table. That way, they had a lot of time to take the boys where they needed to go or to attend school functions. Since he’d been staying with them, he’d noticed what a great team they were, both as parents and partners. He was ashamed to admit to himself that it made him envious.
“Just for an hour or so,” Reese said. “I’ve got a class at eleven.”
“Personal training client for me at the same time,” Roan said.
