More color drained from her face.Then she flushed.Then she accepted what was coming just as he had.She met his eyes and said quietly but firmly, “All right.”
He followed her to the breakroom.Since it was six o’clock in the evening, the room was full of field agents, analysts, and ancillary employees taking advantage of the kitchen space to make meals that would have made the best firehouse cooks green with envy.
Firehouse cooks.God, his mind was all over the place.A defensive mechanism to steel himself for the uncomfortable conversation to come.
Other agents were using the stove, but the microwave was free.It looked like dinner was going to be ramen after all.He warmed up two cups.A cup of ramen was barely a drop in the bucket for him, but he wasn’t hungry, and he doubted what he had to say to Kate was going to make him any hungrier.
Kate filled the silence with small talk while they waited.Sapir and Whorf—Kate’s mother’s two Irish setters—were on a diet now and couldn’t eat anything but the specially prepared fortified food the vet had prescribed.Catherine was going to chair a special seminar at her university.Kate was thinking about trading her old SUV in for a newer—still used but newer—sedan and wanted to know what brands Marcus recommended.
He was grateful for the white noise, but when they reached the table, that white noise stopped.Kate looked expectantly at him, and he jumped right in.“Kate, I like you.I do.I like dating you.I know we haven’t taken it very far, but I want to.”She raised an eyebrow, and he flushed.“I mean… Well, Idomean that.But… like I said, I haven’t been thinking clearly.I’m trying to focus on the case, but I’m conflating the whole seventh commandment thing with what we’re doing.I know we’re not, but…”Christ, why is this so hard?“Cheryl’s been texting me, and I… Well…”
Kate’s face hardened.“You’re breaking up with me.”
“No!”he said quickly.“No, that’s not it at all.I just… I think… I’ve been slacking on my responsibilities.”
She raised an eyebrow.“To Cheryl?”
“Yes.And to me.We’re still married, and I should…” he took a deep breath.“I think you and I should take a step back so I can focus on becoming unmarried.I really need to put a period at the end of that sentence.”
Kate nodded.He could see her struggling to say okay, fighting not to make things worse by arguing.He could see her losing that fight.
“You can say it,” he said softly.“It’s all right.”
“Thank you so much for giving me permission,” Kate replied curtly.
His shoulders slumped.“No, Kate… I didn’t mean—”
“It’s been three months, Marcus.We’ve been on like twenty dates, and we’ve gone as far as a single make out session in your car.I know I didn’t wear a sign that said, ‘Screw me please, I beg you,’ but I assume you’re smart enough to know that if you wanted anything, I would have given it to you.”
Actually, Marcus remembered starting to go farther and Kate pulling back and putting a stop to the encounter.He kept that thought to himself.Besides, whether they would have had sex that night or not, Kate wasn’t the reason they hadn’t progressed in their relationship.
She made that clear with her next words.“You could have ended your marriage to Cheryl months ago.You could end it now.Well, notrightnow since we’re on a case, but you know what I mean.You and Cheryl are still married because you’restillletting her dictate things.You’re waiting forherto end this.Why?”
Marcus opened his mouth.Closed it.Looked away.Looked back at her.Finally answered.“I don’t know.”
She nodded.“Well, that’s the part you need to figure out.And yes, until you do, you and I are going to pause.Maybe even for good.”
Marcus nodded.He knew he should say something, but he couldn’t think of anything to say.All he could do was stare at his cooling cup of microwaved ramen and wonder if the rest of his life was going to be spent disappointing every woman who loved him.He wondered what the Carltons would have to say about that.
He knew what their killer would say.He would condemn Marcus for breaking the seventh commandment and claim that all of the hardship he suffered as a result was just.
And hey, maybe he was right.Maybe Marcus deserved to be alone.Maybe Kate and Cheryl were better off without him.
